lds blog

Mistakes and Regrets, a Story of a Camping trip and the Unfortunate Incident with a Chili Bomb

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Back in 2014, my super awesome husband decided to take our 6-year-old daughter camping. It was late summer and I had just had a baby. I will be completely honest in saying that I was ecstatic to have some quiet at home with the newborn, while he took our only other child on a fun overnight adventure.

After setting up camp and some play time, my husband and daughter like any good campers, started to roast some hot dogs. My husband likes chili dogs and decided it was a good idea to throw a can of chili over the fire to heat up… without venting it.

Yes, he did not open the can at all. Now why is this a bad idea???

I’m sure all of you really smart people realize that those molecules in the can were moving around like crazy as it heated up and the pressure would turn that little can into a horrific chili bomb.

With that being said, let me finish the story, if you haven’t already guessed the outcome.

So my husband, once he decided the can had enough time to heat up, carried it over to the pavilion covered picnic table. He picked up the can opener and the instant it’s blade clicked through the metal of the can- BOOM!

Chili was EVERYWHERE. Piping hot chili dripped from the underside of the pavilion, not one spot came out unscathed. The sound of the explosion was terrifying. It echoed through the campground with a deafening roar, probably scaring all the campers! Our six year old daughter came running from the tent in panic, “What was that?!”

A miracle took place in our family that day. The scalding chili was everywhere, and yet my husband did not have one burn on his body. If he had been leaning over the can as he opened it, he would have ended up in the hospital with horrible burns. Angels must have been watching over him because even his hands were were unharmed.

Now, why do I tell you this story?

Because even really smart people do really dumb things.

My husband is a smart man. No really, his IQ score- pretty impressive! Did that keep him from not thinking something through all the way and making this mistake? Nope! If he would have paused to think about what he was about to do, he would have realized the incredible stupidity of it.

We are human, we will make mistakes

Humans are imperfect beings and no matter how hard we try, we will fall short. Not always, but sometimes it is inevitable. Mistakes will happen. Especially when peer pressure, hormones, or lack of sleep get involved. I could go on listing our shortcomings of pride and other emotions that can consume us. Satan’s temptations can make everything so sparkly and appealing to our mortal eyes. Obviously, there are many things that come into play. We are going to make mistakes, no matter how hard we try, it’s going to happen.

So take a breath, step back, and realize that this is an expected outcome of coming to this earth. It is all going to be okay! Don’t be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake or do something stupid. It is all part of the journey (an unpleasant part for sure! But still a part of it).

Overcoming our shortcomings

Having a firm foundation is similar to having the Armor of God in place. When you build one, you are building the other (see When Foundations Fail). These will assist you in not making bad choices and prevent you from giving into Satan’s temptations and the inevitable heartache that accompanies those choices. My chili story is just a silly example of human stupidity… but their will be choices in this life that can be detrimental to our long term happiness and spiritual growth.

Even with the armor of God in place, will you be perfect? No- but through repentance and turning to the Savior we can blot out those mistakes and move forward.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Come and Belong

People always talk about learning from mistakes. This is a vital step of self improvement. Picking ourselves up when we haven fallen, no matter how hard, will plant our feet on our path toward eternal perfection. As long as we are progressing, that’s what matters. Once we stop striving for perfection and decide to focus on simply improving, that is when we will feel fulfilled and like we are on the correct path. It doesn’t matter how painstakingly slow each of those steps are, as long as they are moving forward.

Letting go of the past

Regret.

Regret is such a loaded word. As I contemplate it, I can feel past burdens weighing heavy on my shoulders. It’s easy to replay our mistakes and failures on a constant loop in our minds eye.

“Why did I do that?”

“Why didn’t I do that?”

“What are they going to think?”

“I’m so stupid!”

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m not worth saving.”

Our internal dialogue can be harsh! The truth is, the majority of the time these thoughts are not true at all. A couple of years ago I took one of my daughters to see a counselor who talked about these negative thoughts. He challenged her to prove these thoughts wrong whenever they popped into her head. He said that these thoughts are actually lies and although they feel like truth, they can actually be very easy to disprove. For example, if a person had the thought, “I’m so stupid,” how can they disprove it? Maybe they are a great student and actually get fantastic grades most of the time, or maybe they are a music whiz.

I loved this technique to challenge ones own thoughts. It helped my daughter stop that negative loop and focus on something more positive about herself.

When our past failures are on repeat in our brain, especially when we have repented, we are keeping ourselves stagnant and unable to progress forward. Our self worth takes a direct hit! (See Never inadequate). Our If our Savior and Heavenly Father can forgive us, shouldn’t we be able to forgive ourselves?

All of us make mistakes, and some of us very serious ones. Any thoughtful person feels a kind of failure because of his sins or moral failures… no matter what we’ve done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed. God and Christ do not separate themselves from the sinner, from the wrongdoer.

Lowell L. Bennion, Overcoming Our Mistakes
Russell M. Nelson, Perfection Pending

This is one of my favorite quotes. Joy, not guilt trips! Letting go of our mistakes opens our hearts and minds to happiness.

I am grateful for the Atonement and all it entails. How amazing that we can be forgiven of our sins and that our burdens can be lifted If we turn to the Savior!

Oh, and for the record, I apologize profusely for the smell and the unimaginable amount of bugs that pavilion attracted the weeks following the chili bomb incident. My husband tried to clean it, but their was only so much he could do with a limited water supply. In case you were wondering, my husband fully endorses this post and the sharing of his story. And for the record, he is a very smart man, which made this incident all the more funny.

In the end, I just want to say that the moral of the story is: even smart people do dumb things! So brush it off, pray lots, and build those stepping stones towards your bright future!

Russell M. Nelson, Perfection Pending

Fear Lies!

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Fear of the future.
Fear of the past.
Fear of the present.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear to move forward.
Fear to act.
Fear of change. ⠀⠀

Fear is one of Satan’s tactics to deceive, to keep us from progressing and from loving one another.

Call out these lies for what they are. We must educate ourselves of the unknown to fight fear. Did you know that seeking out knowledge of what you fear is one of the best ways to combat it?

Feeling stagnant has been on my mind lately. As you know, I am a mom with young children and I’ve found it can be so easy to be caught in a rut, doing the same routine day after day. I have dreams and aspirations but I’m so caught up in the business of life it’s easy to feel stagnant. In the past I rarely did anything for myself that made me feel accomplished and improving on a more personal level.

Some things I wanted for my own self improvement, I simply feared pursuing. I talk more about this in Never Inadequate.

I have come to learn that despite all the fears that kept me stagnant, I feared not progressing more. As soon as I realized this, I decided that our fears can be taken as a challenge!

Now let me stop and clarify here- I am not talking about debilitating anxiety. I am also not talking about the type of fear that keeps you from running head on with a wild bear and trying to ride it bare back. That type of fear has purpose and keeps you safe! Understand? Okay, moving on…

Fear challenges us to step out of our own comfort zone. Confronting fear ultimately pushes us forward on our own personal path of progress. Will it be easy? Probably not. There may be pain, anguish… but also joy, peace, and knowledge gained.

Satan often lies to us, telling us we can’t accomplish what we want. He gives us fear to keep us from reaching accomplishments. Other times he keeps us focusing on our failures of the past, only to instill more fear in us.

Today I urge you to start the process of letting go of whatever fear is holding you back. Sometimes this can be a long process!

Fear cannot be dismissed easily, but it is possible.

You’ve got this! 

Prepare or Protect? Raising Spiritually Resilient Children

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I have no clue what to do the majority of the time as a parent. Seriously, I feel completely inadequate. My overall goal is to raise my children to faithful, happy, functioning, contributing adults. I pray every day, that they might turn out to be good people, with a testimony of our Savoir. The world, however, seems to have other plans.

When our kids are little it is pretty easy to protect them from the harsh reality of the world. As they grow older it is nearly impossible. While raising my kids, I’ve always wanted to protect my children’s innocence as long as possible. Let them be kids while they can be kids! But as my oldest entered the tween years, it became clear that this was a very gray area and not as black and white as I first had assumed. I realized the more I protected her, the less prepared she would be for reality. If I didn’t speak up and teach her, then she would hear things from other kids, that I’d rather her hear from me.

I started asking myself, is it right to continue protecting her when she is obviously ready to start growing up? I wanted her to keep her childhood innocence- which was more of a selfish act for me, and not in her best interest.

Physically and emotionally protecting our children

From the moment these precious children enter our lives, our parenting instincts take over, much like a mother bear protecting her cubs. Protecting them is ingrained in us, and yet often times our over protection can be detrimental.

“We think we need to protect our children. And the answer to that is yes, of course, from starvation and moving cars and juggling chainsaws. There are things that are legitimately dangerous. But we are not there to protect them from any discomfort or any pain or any sadness. What we need to do is not protect but prepare.”

Steve Baskin, A Manifesto to Strength: Raising Anti-Fragile Kids

Experts agree that for children to grow into resilient adults, we must allow them to experience life. Pain, sadness, and failure are all vital experiences, because they teach endurance, hard work, and self motivation. As parents, we know these things and yet we are naturally prone to feeling the need to take away our children’s suffering.

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

“One of the things I began to see early on was over-parenting, first the helicopter parenting and then the snowplow or lawnmower parenting. One is watching your child’s emotion and then trying to manage your child’s experience and prepare the road for your child, instead of your child for the road…”

Steve Baskin, A Manifesto to Strength: Raising Anti-Fragile Kids

I love this visual of a snow blower parent! Have you ever caught yourself doing it? What a sad thing to realize that by preparing the road for our child, we are actually causing more harm! If we are constantly clearing any hardship that confronts our children, they do not gain the resilient qualities needed to overcome these moments. When they leave our home and enter the word without us there, there is a good chance they could crumble.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

Ann Landers

Spiritually protecting versus preparing

Now I would like to take what we know about preparing our children for life and relate it to preparing them spiritually. The number one way to PREPARE our children spiritually is obviously to give them exposure to the gospel! Teaching them to pray, going to church, reading the scriptures, and doing “Come Follow Me” in our homes… we know these are some of the basics to building a firm foundation (see When Foundations Fail).

Now, lets look at the PROTECT side of this. What are we doing that can hinder their spiritual growth? Are there things we want to protect and shelter our children from that could actually be keeping them from spiritual preparation?

When we let our children experience sadness, pain, and make mistakes, we know they will be more resilient as adults. The amazing thing is these same experiences also give opportunities to learn about faith and grow a testimony! When they have fear and sorrow, teach them to pray. When they fail or are in pain, teach them to search the scriptures for answers. These are vital experiences that will help our children find faith in our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Some may ask, whats wrong with plowing the path to the tree of life for our children? Why can’t I mow a smooth course all the way there? In my mind this does paint a pretty picture, but in reality this is impossible. Even Lehi himself couldn’t do it! He stood at the tree of life, beckoning his children, he could not hold their hands along the way.

Are we raising our children to recognize the great and spacious building? Are they aware of the mist of darkness or strange and flattering roads that may lead them away? Sometimes we want to shield our children from seeing these things in the word, but if we don’t discuss them safely at home while they are growing up, how easy will it be for Satan to trick them when they are older?

Will our children’s testimony’s be ready when they leave our homes and experience the real world? When temptation strikes and we are no longer there to guide and direct, will our children falter and their faith plummet from the shock of what they are seeing?

“Today we are at war with Satan. We, like any army, need to know what the enemy is up to. Knowing when and where the enemy will attack, for instance, can be invaluable information. That’s why the term for acquiring such information is called “gathering intelligence.” To know our enemy is to become smarter than our enemy. The Book of Mormon can help us “gather intelligence” on Satan’s counterfeit methods.”

Dennis C. Gaunt, Recognizing Satan’s Counterfeits

How do we know what needs to be shared with our children?

As we faithfully pray and read the Book of Mormon, we will be led and guided to know how to prepare our children spiritually. I’ve experienced uncertainty multiple times, wondering how to teach my daughter about the world and Satan’s tactics. Each time I pray for help, an opportunity always arises that allows me to teach these tough subjects.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we can be referred to as a “peculiar people”. We don’t drink coffee, we stay away from harshly rated movies and other content that is deemed inappropriate. We abstain from sexual conduct until we are married. We even wear “weird underwear”. As we pray for guidance we will be able to teach our children that these things aren’t the norm world wide.

We don’t need to plop our children on Satan’s lap to give them exposure to his influences. They don’t need a first hand tour of everything worldly! They do, however, need to be aware of what is out there.

This puts us in a difficult situation over and over again while raising our children as we contemplate what information to share. Some things we choose to teach are age based, we wait until they are developmentally old enough to understand. No matter when we teach, what we decide to share is something between you and the Lord. Always seek His guidance. When we do this, we will be able to discern what actions to take, what to share, and when to share them.

Image by Jenny Friedrichs from Pixabay

Raising faithful children with a testimony in the gospel should never be confused with raising our children to be naive. President Lee, while speaking to the youth of the church, once said:

“We don’t pray that you may be withdrawn into a ‘Shangri-La’ away from the evils of the world, because you are to be a leaven wherever you are, to bring about righteousness, but we are pleading with the Lord with all our might that while you are in the world, you may be kept from evil.”

Harold B. Lee, Decisions for Successful Living [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973], p. 223

If you aren’t familiar with Shangri-La, it’s a fictional place in the 1933 novel, Lost Horizon. It is a place of paradise , isolated from the world. We can’t send our children to Shangri-La to enjoy an innocent joyous life. They are meant to be here, “to bring about righteousness” where ever they may be in this world. It is our job, to prepare them for this.

Hiding the different lifestyles and views of the world doesn’t protect our children. Talking about how other people live and what they believe can actually give opportunity to discuss the diversity of God’s children and His love for all of them!

It is possible to teach our children that “we are in the world but not of the world”, and by doing so they will become spiritually resilient.

We are blessed with a brief period in which to prepare our children for the obstacles ahead. Hold their hands while they are young. Teach them. Let them experience sorrow. Let them understand what the world is like. Give them opportunities to act in faith. Then when they are grown, there is more than a good chance they will become faithful, happy, functioning, contributing adults. Adults with an unwavering testimony, strong enough to withstand any storm.

We can’t plow the path for our children, but we can prepare them so they can have a firm grip planted on the iron rod, with clear vision of the road ahead and possible obstacles that await them.

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Inspiring Others Through Our Own Imperfections

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Lets be imperfect together💪 People relate to real, they relate to honest imperfections. Inspire by just being you, not pretending to be more 🌹🥀

Some of my favorite talks in church are when people relate raw honest life. With four kids it can be hard to pay attention to sacrament talks. But when someone shares a story, some imperfections in their life, my ear automatically tunes in.

No one wants to be preached to. So many people shut down as soon as things get “preachy”. I’ve learned this the hard way with my oldest child. When we push our beliefs and desires upon another individual they tend to push back and put us at arms length.

They have their agency, and they will use it to shut out anything we have to say.

That’s why teaching with love is so important. This can only be done from drawing upon our own experiences and imperfections.

Empathy, compassion, love. When we are sincere our message resonates louder than any superficial attempt to do good.

Actions, as we all know, speak louder than words. When we focus on our own imperfections no words are needed to inspire. We need to look inward rather than outward.

Live a good life.

Stand strong.

Endure to the end.

Focus on improving yourself.

Learn from mistakes.

Lead by example.

I promise, people will notice. Through humility we will find how to reach others.

When Foundations Fail

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Natural disasters are not subtle. They come sweeping in with an unpredictable fury leaving destruction, devastation, and chaos. That’s what I had always believed. Earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes, tornadoes and other natural disasters have always had widespread coverage in the news. I was familiar with these stories so when the hairline cracks appeared in the foundation of my childhood home during the spring when I turned sixteen, I wasn’t worried.

The street I lived on, which bordered a hill had slight changes to it’s original positioning and several of our neighbors had been noticing minor cracks in their foundations and shifting on their land. “The land is probably just settling,” was a phrase I heard several times. Specialists, like the state project geologist came out and surveyed the land. They measured the cracks with special equipment and looked at the five homes on our street who were effected. At first they didn’t say much, so I assumed everything would be fine. 

I was wrong.

Those hair line cracks in the foundation, as subtle and inconspicuous as they appeared to be, started to separate at a rapid rate by late summer. One home after another was being condemned. The experts continued to monitor the land, but they couldn’t figure out what was causing the ground underneath us to shift. When our house was condemned, we were given 24 hours to evacuate.

About a week after we moved, a 10 foot drop separated the front of our foundation from the back of the foundation. The only home I had ever known was gone. 

Here is my 15 minutes of fame! Front page of the newspaper sporting my pretty awesome overalls and carrying our cat, Mitzi out the back door of our home.

Almost two decades later and I can still remember packing up my house in a fit of adrenaline during the day. Into the silent night hours I worked with my parents. Boxes upon boxes left our house of things that you accumulate over a lifetime. We didn’t have much time to sort and since we had no where to go, most things got packed away and sent to a storage shed.

That was the first time I had ever stayed awake for two days straight, but I didn’t even feel tired. It was surreal. I packed fervently which kept my mind busy. I didn’t have time to think or let the emotions of what was happening impact me. The house creaked and groaned around us, as it was literally being ripped apart. I still remember the sound of my dad cutting the bolts that secured the back of the house to the foundation, to give us more time. 

We were going to loose everything. The insurance company claimed the landslide to be, “an act of God” and said it wasn’t covered.

I emptied drawers.

I boxed up closets. 

I cleaned out cabinets. 

I hugged neighbors and childhood friends goodbye. 

I packed up my bedroom. 

I carried Mitzi from our home and hid her in the hotel we lived in for two weeks (what else could we do with a cat who also lost her home?)

I signed my name to a baseboard in my bedroom. 

And I said goodbye to my home.

Our house was small and modest with a little carport and three big windows in the front that looked into my bedroom. From the outside it probably didn’t seem like much, but it wasn’t just a house. It was my home, a place where I could climb into my favorite tree for sanctuary in my backyard. A place that had the best Little Mermaid rock in the world. It had the bedroom I had shared with my sister where we played Malarky and Hu-watch-ee-foo, and did Christmas concerts with our stuffed animals. Sure, we had gotten older and I finally had the room to myself when my sister left for college. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was all I knew and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.

But I had to.  

The back wall of the foundation completely dropped and the front of the foundation stayed in place. See the top of the door opening in the back wall? That’s the door I was walking out of where the newspaper picture was taken.

Disasters in life

Everyone in life has disasters. Some are obvious and come rampaging in and the devastation that happens is very apparent to an outsiders point of view. I had always thought of a landslide this way, where tons of rocks, mud, and water come rushing down a hill crushing and engulfing anything in it’s path. This I learned isn’t always the case. Disasters can also be subtle, but just as devastating. I’m sure we can all relate to the current situation of a worldwide pandemic. This trial started with news stories of a virus in far away countries that ended up creeping it’s way to our very own doorstep.

At sixteen years old, my life had been turned upside down. I started my junior year of high school living in a hotel. The American Red Cross paid for the hotel to help my parents get on their feet and until we found an apartment to rent. 

My parents took this time to evaluate more than just our living situation. After two weeks of living in the hotel they found an apartment, and soon after they told my sister and I they were going to get a divorce. This is when all the emotions I had held at bay swept in. Was it a surprise they wanted a divorce? Absolutely not. My parent’s rocky relationship was a known fact, it was more a matter of when things would end rather than if. Even though I knew it would eventually happen, it didn’t change the finality of it.

The only world I had ever known was literally crumbling in front of me. My home was gone, and my dad wouldn’t be living with us. It was all gone. Any illusion of my former life had been uprooted and destroyed. 

Whether the disasters we face come rampaging in or come at us slowly and unassuming, how do we survive these events without crumbling?

Building Our Foundation

For several years after the landslide one question kept resurfacing in my mind:

How had our families foundation been as faulty as the foundation we built our home on? I’m talking about the personal stuff that went on within the walls of my childhood home.

So I ask you now: how is your foundation? How is the foundation of your family? Is it where you want it to be?

What if I told you that there was a different house on our very same lot that had been deemed unstable and was moved away before my parents built our house? As crazy as that sounds, it is true! The foundation of the old home was ripped from the ground and the land put up for auction. My parents were reassured that as long as they built the house further up on the lot and closer to the road they would not have a problem.

I’ve noticed far too often the heart breaking scene of people shaping their lives with faulty foundations. Foundations that have already been proven that they cannot hold and will collapse. People lost and suffering due to drug addiction, pornography, and other such things are all around us. We all have known someone in these circumstances, whether it be a friend or a loved one. Or perhaps it is you that finds yourself in a place in which you feel lost and desperate. These devices are tools Satan uses to weaken our foundations. Feeling hopeless is exactly what the adversary wants, but it’s a lie.

It is never too late to start strengthening our foundations. It doesn’t matter if you are in a good place now, or in the depths of despair. We only need to start with a prayer. It’s that simple.

Christ loves us and he will come swiftly to our aid and fill any cracks that threaten our foundation.

What hairline cracks are compromising your foundation? Your families foundation? You might notice small ones that have a simple fix. Others might be overwhelming to try to take on any sort of solution right now. But I urge you to start patching one crack at a time, focus on what you can do. The reality is that we can’t do it alone, and that is okay! With faith, our Savoir can patch any foundation that is lacking.

I urge us all to find those hairline cracks in our foundations. They can be so unassuming, barely worth a second thought. The reality, however, is they could end up tearing us apart. Satan knows our weaknesses, he sees where our foundation is failing. We need to prepare for the day when he intends to exploit those weaknesses. With a firm foundation, we cannot fall!

The storms and whirlwinds that plague us may come from choices we have made or from outside forces that are not in our control. In the end though, it doesn’t matter because the answer is the same. Christ.

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

Matthew 7:25

All those years ago I decided not to crumble. I decided to hold my head up and overcome. I had faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. At times I barely felt like I was surviving, while other times I found peace and eventually joy! It is possible to find happiness, no matter how hard the rain is beating us down or what disaster we may face. You may not find it immediately, but don’t give up. This does not mean ignoring your sorrow and pain, (see Letting Ourselves Grieve) but finding hope and the Saviors light in the dark is always possible. He can ease our burdens and lighten the unbearable load we carry… if we let him. We must choose to focus on Christ and not the storm raging around us. When it seems as though our foundation is slipping out beneath us, turn to Christ. He will lift us when we need it the most.

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