I vividly remember sitting in the women’s general conference, for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in October five years ago. I sat on the church bench with my three month old baby sleeping happily in the car seat next to me. I honestly don’t remember the talks from the broadcast but I do remember watching Sister Linda K. Burton, who was the Relief Society General President at the time. I felt inspired by her message and remember thinking, “Wow, what an amazing woman. What kind of life must she have led to be standing where she is now.” At that instant a jolt hit me with force, like lightning crackling from my head down through my body. I was stunned. I had never felt anything like it before. I have felt promptings from the Holy Ghost and received personal revelation, but I had never experienced such a strong physical… push. More profoundly, however, were the feelings that accompanied it.
Now I want to be clear- this was by no means saying I was destined for the same path as Sister Burton. To me the message was direct, Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me. I knew I needed to start taking the actions needed to reach my full potential. I knew I was a long way off from where I needed to be, and where I wanted to be.
I drove home inspired, I made a plan to start reaching goals that would help me get on the path I wanted.
Did I mention this was five years ago?
Yeah, I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t follow through with most of my plan. I still feel like I am lacking and far from the steps that prompting encouraged me to take. I’ve been discouraged and mad at myself for not trying harder. I’ve had two more babies since that time and life got busy. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. In part, it was true. I never have a moment alone and those steps I needed to take were time consuming. When I became honest with myself though, there was one main thing holding me back.
Inadequacy.
Starting this blog was one thing I knew needed to happen. Over the years the prompting has gotten stronger until I no longer could ignore it.
I was terrified.
What do I have to say that anyone would even care about? What if no one likes it? What if I offend people? What if no one reads it? What if my writing isn’t good enough? I’m not as spiritual as I’d like to be right now. How can I help others if I’m not even where I should be? I’m no one special, I can’t make a difference.
Self doubt flooded over me.
“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!”
C. JoyBell C.
Inadequacy Does Not Equal Failure
Inadequate. This is a feeling we have all felt at one point or another. It’s negative connotation speaks volumes when someone says it towards another person. When we say it to ourselves, our self worth drops significantly.
The feelings that come with fearing we are inadequate tear us apart and ultimately can make us lose hope. We feel like we have failed.
Feelings of inadequacy often come from constantly coming up short in many areas of our life. We play countless roles through life, these roles are ever changing. I’ve made a quick list of all the roles I currently play in the life of me:
I am a-
- Wife
- Mother
- Homemaker
- Daughter and daughter-in-law
- Sister and sister-in-law
- Aunt
- Cousin
- Niece
- Friend
- Neighbor
- Nurse
- Employee
- Coworker
- Ministering Sister
- And I serve in different callings in my church
Some of these roles, I feel like I do okay in. Others stress me out and there are several I know I am failing at miserably. Feeling overwhelmed and spread thin is a common feeling we all have. This leaves us feeling inadequate and quite frankly exhausted. “If I only had more time during the day,” is a common thought I have, “then I could have done everything I needed to do”. But we don’t have more time, and the things we wanted to accomplish can pile up. This can make us feel like we have a big fat “FAILURE” tattooed on us for all to see. This only worsens when we start comparing ourselves to what appears to be the picture perfect people around us. “Those” people seem to have it all together, “they” have it all figured out.
In what aspects of your life are you feeling inadequate? To organize your thoughts it might help to make a list of all the roles you play like my list above. Look at the areas you are strong in, you aren’t failing! What areas do you need to improve? What areas terrify you to even start trying? If you feel like you are not strong in any of them that’s okay. Failure should never be defined by our regrets, it is what we choose do with those regrets that defines it. So do we choose to push on, to keep trying? Or do we wallow and hide?
The reality is we can’t do it all at once. There are so many roles we play in life, that we can’t possibly excel in all of them at any one given moment. So stop trying to be perfect at everything all the time! We are going to make mistakes and mess up, no matter how much we think we have improved. We will never be perfect. Instead, we must learn to accept imperfection, or we will never learn from our mistakes. It is okay to place things on the back burner, while we take the time to focus on another area. Prioritize what areas you need to focus on. When one area is strengthened and new habits have formed, you will be able to focus on another area.
What things didn’t make your list that you want for yourself in the future? It is okay to dream big, to want more. What do you need to do to make it happen? What negative words of self doubt do you need to cast off?
One thing that must be said, is there will be situations that arise where we feel like we aren’t enough, like we don’t have what it takes. These situations occur outside of the designated roles we see ourselves in. I’ve heard many people lately saying they feel inadequate because of the situation COVID-19 has put them in. They don’t feel equipped to home school their kids, they feel inadequate to provide for their family, and other various strains. It is okay to grieve, it is okay to be afraid, these reactions are part of humanity, and they have a purpose. Acknowledge them, mourn… but don’t let it consume you. For more on this see Letting Ourselves Grieve.
“You cannot be escorted by the belief of inadequacy and get to the destination of excellence. Go along with “a can do spirit” because that is the only companion!”
Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes
There is a term I learned, in my psychology class in high school, and I became familiar with it again in nursing school. It is called “self fulfilling prophecy”. According to this, our actions are influenced by a belief or prediction we have. Because our actions were influenced by our thoughts, the prediction actually came true. In other words, if we tell ourselves we are inadequate and can’t do something, then our actions reflect this and it becomes true. Luckily we can use this for the positive as well! If we learn to change our mindset and tell ourselves, “I can do this!”, we are more inclined to put it into action and voila! We learn that we really can!
Reaching Our Full Potential
How many of us have had a Disney’s the Lion King moment, “Simba, you are more than what you have become!”
Often times these urges to be better than we are, come from an innate desire to improve ourselves. It doesn’t always take divine promptings that urge us to do better, to be better, to reach a goal that always seemed too scary to even try. We all have dreams and aspirations, but self doubt tricks us into thinking we are inadequate. These urges are a call to action, to stop thinking and start acting.
It can be terrifying to ignore the feelings of inadequacy, but if we do, life will be more fulfilling and purposeful. Changing our mindset from the negative to the positive takes practice, but it is possible.
We all have greatness within us. Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. So I ask you, what do you need to do to reach your full potential?
“Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.”
Joshua 1:9, The Old Testament
Don’t give up. If you feel like you have hit a wall, get creative and try taking a detour that can get you to where you need. When self doubt and inadequacies threaten to take you down, hold your head high and remember that you are a child of God. If our own Heavenly Father knows we are special and sees the fullness of our potential, shouldn’t we start believing in ourselves? Believing we can be more? When we feel ill equipped to add more to our plates and that we are barely hanging on, believe in yourself. You are never alone and our Savoir is urging you onward.
We are worth His love, and our life is precious. We are never past hope and we are always capable of change. Reaching our full potential is a life long journey. We won’t get there tomorrow or even next week. Enjoy the ride and be brave. Believe in yourself!
Remember you are enough!
If you like Unexpectedly Perfect click on the link below and follow us on Facebook: