hope
Faith in Our Heavenly Father, the Master Gardener
Today I feel like telling you a little story.
Once upon a time my sister gave me three little baby sunflower starts. I was excited and knew exactly where I wanted to plant them. They were going on the south side of my house, by the porch where everyone walking by could see. They were going to look amazing!
I weeded and tilled the ground, thinking only of the end results. In my haste, I overlooked some very important details. I planted these baby sunflowers between a western fence and a large shade tree to the east. In the beginning these little flowers grew strong, undeterred by the limited sunlight. By late summer however, they began to struggle.
Normally I’m pretty good about paying attention to how much sunlight exposure a plant will get along with other conditions before planting. For some reason this time, I failed to look into those details as much as I should.
The first sunflower gave up trying to reach the sun. It seemed content to have only a few hours of sunlight midday when the sun was high in the sky. Once the sun dipped below the fence in late afternoon, the flower was completely cut off from any sunlight. It still tried to bloom, but soon withered before it’s flower could reach it’s full beauty. I couldn’t help but feel bad for the flower. Little did it know that in less than a foot it could have surpassed the fence and flourished in sunlight. It seemed to give up too soon.
The second sunflower had been planted the same distance from the fence as the first flower, but it seemed determined to find the light. It reached for the sun by what ever means possible. It bent and bowed and basked in the sun. It’s stem wasn’t straight and leaned to the side, but that sunflower blossomed! This flower worked hard and was persistent, never giving up! It was planted right beside the first sunflower, who never made it to the sun, but it decided it wanted a different fate than its companion. This flower may not be like other sunflowers which are straighter, taller, seemingly more perfect, but it was beautiful nonetheless.
Then there was the third sunflower. This sunflower grew straight and tall and also bloomed gloriously. After looking at the picture one might be inclined to assume that this flower did so well because it had the most light. Don’t forget the tree I mentioned earlier. It blocked all morning light, well past noon. This flower still did not get the recommended 6-8 hours of sun light per day needed by a sunflower, yet it thrived. This flower, which appears so strong and tall, could have struggled too, but it didn’t. It didn’t reach sideways, knowing it could reach more light. It simply waited until late afternoon- knowing the sun would come.
Our Master Gardener
I am a novice gardener. I did not consider that these poor plants might struggle. Unlike what these plants had, our Gardener is perfect! He is no novice, he knows how much light we need to grow to reach our full potential. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t make mistakes! Now this doesn’t mean that every single one of us has been planted in ideal circumstances. On the contrary! Our soil may be too rocky or not as fertile as other peoples. Perhaps there has been more shade and not a lot of exposure to the gospel. But our Gardener, our loving Heavenly Father, has made it possible for us to take root no matter the circumstances, regardless of how rough or shaded our terrain may be. He has provided the light if we only search for it. Don’t give up too soon, no situation is too hopeless! The light is there. Bend and reach, just like that second sunflower if you must.
Like these flowers, are we doing all we can to bask in the light of Christ? Our redeemer, the light of the world, is shining down on us at all times. It is up to us to choose and accept that light.
Some of us may be like the third flower, where following the gospel and reaching for the light comes naturally. These people have faith that light will always be there. Others may be more like the second flower, bending and reaching, having faith that the light is there but not always sure where to find it. Then of course there are those of us like the first sunflower, never finding the light and doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
Shaded times will come
There are many lessons I have learned in life, and one of them is that shade will come. There will be times where the skies are overcast and hope feels distant. Many of us have a hard time feeling our Heavenly Father’s love during these times and feeling the light we so desperately thirst for. I believe that none of us truly have a strong, rail straight stalk, just like the third flower. In reality we are all bending and twisting around life’s obstacles, being led by faith.
Just because the clouds are there, doesn’t mean the sun has disappeared. Christ is there, He is always there.
“Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness… I testify that with Christ, darkness cannot succeed. Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ. I bear witness that darkness cannot stand before the brilliant light of the Son of the living God!”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, The Hope of God’s Light
There is light within us
I have always loved sunflowers. They are so cheerful and bright! These flowers seem to exude their own light, as their heads follow the sun across the sky. When smaller sunflowers are cut and on display in a vase, they seem to brighten a room.
We have each been born with the Light of Christ within us. The discerning mind to recognize good from evil. A light to shine for others during their times of darkness. We are all unique and beautiful, despite our flaws.
Our beloved Father in Heaven has given us the Light of Christ. And deep within each one of us, a heavenly stirring urges us to turn our eyes and hearts to Him as we make the pilgrimage back to our celestial home.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Light of Christ
Let us always turn our heads toward the Lord, shining forth our light in hope and faith. He will always be there.
“He is the light and the life of the world; yeah, a light that can never be darkened…”
Mosiah 16:9, The Book of Mormon
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Letting Ourselves Grieve
Grief.
We have all experienced the downs that inevitably come with life. Death, loss… My heart is full as I have pondered this topic. The truth is, I can spout positive words all day long on my blog, but none of it will make a difference unless we address grief. Grief is felt when we have experienced loss of a loved one, or experienced some sort of tragedy in our life. We grieve over what was lost and the future that could have been.
Sadness, despair, pain, anguish, hopelessness, desperation, distress, unhappiness, sorrow, anger, guilt, numbness, despondence. There are so many words to describe our feelings and emotions that emerge while we grieve… and yet these descriptions never seem adequate. Soul tormenting grief rips at us from the inside out, breaks our very being, and threatens to drag us under. It can feel like we are drowning on dry ground and are unable to find a helping hand. Sometimes we don’t want to find a helping hand.
Like all of you, I have stared grief in the face many times through out my life. In When Foundations Fail, I mention losing my house in a landslide and my parents divorce when I was a teenager. In my adult years I have continued to lose much. Including my precious Emily Elizabeth, my daughter who was born at twenty-one weeks gestation and died in my arms, after living a miraculous nine minutes. Does this make me an expert on grief? Absolutely not. Grief is something I am familiar with and yet I feel completely inadequate even writing about.
In the midst of hardship I don’t need to tell you it will be okay.
I don’t need to tell you it will heal with time.
I don’t need to tell you to count your blessings.
I don’t need to tell to you seek solace in loved ones.
All of these things have their place in the grief process, it is true. Turn to those things when you are ready, but first stop trying to ignore and brush off what you are feeling. It is okay to FEEL! Let those emotions take over, experience them. You are completely validated in feeling the way you do! Be sad, cry, and feel that anguish. Feel angry if you need to! Be angry over what was taken from you and what could have been.
“Grief hurts, but it can be the salve that helps us heal when it is allowed to do it’s work appropriately. The first step in handling grief is to recognize that the pain is a normal part of the process. It needs to be acknowledged, not avoided.”
Steven Eastmond, The Healing Power of Grief
There are many things we grieve throughout life: death, loss of a job, loss of a friendship or relationship, worldwide pandemics, natural disasters, loss of health, and other life changes or tragedies that hit close to home or far away. We must remember not to compare our adversities or trials to those of another.
If you are struggling over something that seems like it should be so simple to handle, stop being so hard on yourself! So many times I have heard someone say “well yeah, but my problems no way compare to those of my neighbors.” Comparing trials may give us perspective and help us feel better knowing it could be worse, but it doesn’t take away the fact that we are struggling now and need to grieve.
If we don’t address our emotions in these situations, they could end up prolonging the healing process. Like a shaken soda bottle, they can bubble up later because we held them in for so long.
What does the grieving process look like?
There is no simple answer to this question. I could go back to my nursing school days and tell you the textbook answer of grief has five basic stages, based off the Kubler-Ross grief cycle:
- Denial- Avoiding
- Anger- Pent up and avoided emotions explode
- Bargaining- With God, others, or oneself, desperately attempting to find a solution
- Depression- Reality sinks in, along with the finality of it
- Acceptance- The upward turn, finding a way to move forward
This can give us a basic idea of grief, but humanity is much more complicated with infinite emotions we can cram into this cycle. These stages can happen in any order, and some people don’t experience all of the stages.
What can we learn from this? We need to be patient with ourselves! When something horrible happens to us, no matter how big or small, we can’t expect to feel fine and dandy right away. There is no set time for how long the grief process lasts or how long any of these stages can take.
Grief is the emotional, and often physical, response we have when we experience loss… Grief can involve virtually every emotion or can leave us feeling numb and disconnected from the world around us.
Steven Eastmond, The Healing Power of Grief
Grieving is unique and individual
Two adult siblings who lose a parent, may respond completely differently in the grief process. One may jump to action, busying themselves with tasks and reaching out to friends and family. The other sibling may wall themselves in at home, ignoring calls and messages. Neither way of grieving is incorrect.
A common mistake is to compare our grief to another. We assume we should react differently when we see others, who appear to be “functioning” better than we are. Additionally, just because a person is “functioning” well, doesn’t mean their grief isn’t felt as deeply. Being patient with ourselves and with others, while grieving, can make a tremendous difference when unexpected emotions arise.
As a nurse, I’ve been witness to complete strangers in their grief . I’ve seen sobbing, wailing, lots of anger, detachment, and a whole slew of other responses. Two of the most memorable moments in my career came in the dark hours of a night shift. During each experience, my pediatric patient was sleeping well and I had snuck in to their room, to hook up an IV antibiotic or other medication. My plan was to stay about five minutes, in order to finish my task, and then be on my way. Instead, I’d emerged from each room over an hour later. I had found a grieving parent seeking solace in my presence. With their child asleep, the walls of strength they had constructed for the benefit of their child, had come crashing down. I had no wisdom to give them in those moments, just a listening ear as they expressed their fears.
Having opportunities like these is humbling, and I wish they gave me more answers about the grieving process. Honestly though, the best I can say is to love ourselves and others during those difficult times. Don’t give up. Even through the darkest times, when we can barely breathe, light will come. With an eternal perspective, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We can’t always see it, but it is there.
Have Faith
“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
It is my hope we do not shut out our Heavenly Father during tragedy. I once had a friend tell me in anger, that she no longer wanted Gods help. She had lost her home, career, and filed for bankruptcy. She told me she wanted nothing to do with God anymore and that she would get everything back without God’s help. If we find ourselves on that slippery slope, filled with anger and desperation, we must find a way to kneel and plead with our Heavenly Father instead of shutting him out.
It is possible to move on from tragedy without the Lords help. But how much easier will it be if we use the atonement to ease our burdens? Henry B. Eyring put it so well in this beautiful testimony:
Even when you feel the truth… and kindness of the Lord to deliver you in your trials, it may still test your courage and strength to endure. The Prophet Joseph Smith cried out in agony in a dungeon: “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?”
The Lord’s reply has helped me and can encourage us all in times of darkness. Here it is: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.“
I have seen faith and courage come from a testimony that it is true that we are being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful disciples. And the disciple who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle.
Henry B. Eyring, Adversity
What an amazing perspective to have during difficult times! We all must endure to the end. Although these trials are “but a small moment”, while we are living them, they feel like so much more. Allowing ourselves to grieve and turn to the Lord, will bring peace and help us find light in the darkness.
Grief isn’t about dealing with our emotions so we can return to our old selves. Grief is like reconstructing a jigsaw puzzle, one painful piece at a time. In some places the pieces that once matched no longer fit together, but we make do. In the end, the puzzle’s image is not the same as it was, but it is still just as unique and important. We emerge from grief changed and different, hopefully stronger. It is our decision to let grief refine and improve us, or leave us cynical and hard heartened. It will leave scars, this is inevitable, but those scars don’t have to keep us from moving forward.
In Isaiah 53:4, it states, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows”. The Savoir can help us reconstruct the jigsaw puzzle and fill in the pieces that are completely missing. We can find hope in Him when it appears there is no hope.
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