child of God

Mistakes and Regrets, a Story of a Camping trip and the Unfortunate Incident with a Chili Bomb

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Back in 2014, my super awesome husband decided to take our 6-year-old daughter camping. It was late summer and I had just had a baby. I will be completely honest in saying that I was ecstatic to have some quiet at home with the newborn, while he took our only other child on a fun overnight adventure.

After setting up camp and some play time, my husband and daughter like any good campers, started to roast some hot dogs. My husband likes chili dogs and decided it was a good idea to throw a can of chili over the fire to heat up… without venting it.

Yes, he did not open the can at all. Now why is this a bad idea???

I’m sure all of you really smart people realize that those molecules in the can were moving around like crazy as it heated up and the pressure would turn that little can into a horrific chili bomb.

With that being said, let me finish the story, if you haven’t already guessed the outcome.

So my husband, once he decided the can had enough time to heat up, carried it over to the pavilion covered picnic table. He picked up the can opener and the instant it’s blade clicked through the metal of the can- BOOM!

Chili was EVERYWHERE. Piping hot chili dripped from the underside of the pavilion, not one spot came out unscathed. The sound of the explosion was terrifying. It echoed through the campground with a deafening roar, probably scaring all the campers! Our six year old daughter came running from the tent in panic, “What was that?!”

A miracle took place in our family that day. The scalding chili was everywhere, and yet my husband did not have one burn on his body. If he had been leaning over the can as he opened it, he would have ended up in the hospital with horrible burns. Angels must have been watching over him because even his hands were were unharmed.

Now, why do I tell you this story?

Because even really smart people do really dumb things.

My husband is a smart man. No really, his IQ score- pretty impressive! Did that keep him from not thinking something through all the way and making this mistake? Nope! If he would have paused to think about what he was about to do, he would have realized the incredible stupidity of it.

We are human, we will make mistakes

Humans are imperfect beings and no matter how hard we try, we will fall short. Not always, but sometimes it is inevitable. Mistakes will happen. Especially when peer pressure, hormones, or lack of sleep get involved. I could go on listing our shortcomings of pride and other emotions that can consume us. Satan’s temptations can make everything so sparkly and appealing to our mortal eyes. Obviously, there are many things that come into play. We are going to make mistakes, no matter how hard we try, it’s going to happen.

So take a breath, step back, and realize that this is an expected outcome of coming to this earth. It is all going to be okay! Don’t be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake or do something stupid. It is all part of the journey (an unpleasant part for sure! But still a part of it).

Overcoming our shortcomings

Having a firm foundation is similar to having the Armor of God in place. When you build one, you are building the other (see When Foundations Fail). These will assist you in not making bad choices and prevent you from giving into Satan’s temptations and the inevitable heartache that accompanies those choices. My chili story is just a silly example of human stupidity… but their will be choices in this life that can be detrimental to our long term happiness and spiritual growth.

Even with the armor of God in place, will you be perfect? No- but through repentance and turning to the Savior we can blot out those mistakes and move forward.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Come and Belong

People always talk about learning from mistakes. This is a vital step of self improvement. Picking ourselves up when we haven fallen, no matter how hard, will plant our feet on our path toward eternal perfection. As long as we are progressing, that’s what matters. Once we stop striving for perfection and decide to focus on simply improving, that is when we will feel fulfilled and like we are on the correct path. It doesn’t matter how painstakingly slow each of those steps are, as long as they are moving forward.

Letting go of the past

Regret.

Regret is such a loaded word. As I contemplate it, I can feel past burdens weighing heavy on my shoulders. It’s easy to replay our mistakes and failures on a constant loop in our minds eye.

“Why did I do that?”

“Why didn’t I do that?”

“What are they going to think?”

“I’m so stupid!”

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m not worth saving.”

Our internal dialogue can be harsh! The truth is, the majority of the time these thoughts are not true at all. A couple of years ago I took one of my daughters to see a counselor who talked about these negative thoughts. He challenged her to prove these thoughts wrong whenever they popped into her head. He said that these thoughts are actually lies and although they feel like truth, they can actually be very easy to disprove. For example, if a person had the thought, “I’m so stupid,” how can they disprove it? Maybe they are a great student and actually get fantastic grades most of the time, or maybe they are a music whiz.

I loved this technique to challenge ones own thoughts. It helped my daughter stop that negative loop and focus on something more positive about herself.

When our past failures are on repeat in our brain, especially when we have repented, we are keeping ourselves stagnant and unable to progress forward. Our self worth takes a direct hit! (See Never inadequate). Our If our Savior and Heavenly Father can forgive us, shouldn’t we be able to forgive ourselves?

All of us make mistakes, and some of us very serious ones. Any thoughtful person feels a kind of failure because of his sins or moral failures… no matter what we’ve done in life, no matter what we do, God and Christ still love us just as much as they did before we failed. God and Christ do not separate themselves from the sinner, from the wrongdoer.

Lowell L. Bennion, Overcoming Our Mistakes
Russell M. Nelson, Perfection Pending

This is one of my favorite quotes. Joy, not guilt trips! Letting go of our mistakes opens our hearts and minds to happiness.

I am grateful for the Atonement and all it entails. How amazing that we can be forgiven of our sins and that our burdens can be lifted If we turn to the Savior!

Oh, and for the record, I apologize profusely for the smell and the unimaginable amount of bugs that pavilion attracted the weeks following the chili bomb incident. My husband tried to clean it, but their was only so much he could do with a limited water supply. In case you were wondering, my husband fully endorses this post and the sharing of his story. And for the record, he is a very smart man, which made this incident all the more funny.

In the end, I just want to say that the moral of the story is: even smart people do dumb things! So brush it off, pray lots, and build those stepping stones towards your bright future!

Russell M. Nelson, Perfection Pending

Aware in All Things

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Last summer I was able to take a quick trip to Target without kids. I was giddy to get a little shopping in without little ones… you know, doing what little ones do! While driving through the parking lot I noticed an elderly man sitting in the back seat of an old beat up sedan. He kept looking over his shoulder to the entrance of Target. I don’t know why he caught my attention, maybe it was the urgency he seemed to exude as he glanced over his should. For some reason I felt like I needed to take a closer look (usually I am not a stalker!) I made a loop around the lot and ended up finding a spot, a couple of cars away, where I could still see him. Again, he looked over his shoulder at the doors to the store, as if he were anxiously waiting for someone to return. I pulled the keys from the ignition and rummaged through my purse, plopping my phone into it. I glanced at the man again and it became clear he seemed distressed.

I got out of the car feeling awkward. Did this man need help? He was a grown man, surely there was nothing I could do for him. I started to walk down the isle of the parking lot towards the store which led me closer to the man, who didn’t notice I was there.

Once closer with a better view it dawned on me, this man was locked in the car in 95 degree weather! He was an extremely frail looking man, sweat dripped down his forehead and he kept swiping it away. His t-shirt was drenched in sweat as well. I could tell there wasn’t a dry spot on it. It was obvious this man had been locked in the car for a long time.

I walked over to the car not surprised to see the windows were all rolled up. “Do you need help?” I asked the man bending down so he could see me through the window. His face was frantic and he nodded with a weak, “yes”. Without hesitating I pulled the phone from my purse and dialed 911.

Within minutes a police officer arrived and was able to unlock one of the car doors with a special tool, freeing the man. My heart dropped when he stepped from the car, not only was his t-shirt soaked, but the thick jeans he wore were drenched as well. The EMT’s swooped in to care for the man, while the police got a statement from me.

Later, as I pushed my cart through Target, I couldn’t help but feel grateful that I hadn’t had my usual distractions (aka, my rambunctious pack of kids). Would I have noticed the man in the car? I would like to say I would have, but I’m really not sure. It was a busy day at the store, with a full parking lot. How many people had walked by him without noticing? We are all very aware of children left in cars, but who would pay attention to a grown adult?

I tell you this story, because since that time I have realized that in recent years I’ve become less observant to those around me. It was a slow progression that I hadn’t even realized had taken place.

This slow progression reminds me of what it is like when wearing old glasses. I just got a new pair of glasses for the first time in five years (yes, I should take better care of my eyes!) My old glasses were worn, looked ridiculous, and were not even close to the prescription I needed anymore. I’d grown accustomed to the lack of detail. I didn’t think about what I was missing. Once I put on the new pair of lenses, I was in awe at all the extra detail I could see. It wasn’t anything new. I’d seen it all before and yet, I had easily stopped caring what I was missing out on. I think we all get a little lazy on our view of life. We all can get too preoccupied to notice what is right in front of us.

I will be the first to admit that I live in a state of preoccupied… all the time. I am an extremely task oriented person. I usually have a checklist outlined somewhere in my house to help me focus on what needs to be done. When it comes to running a household, I like order. I spend my days being mom: carpooling to school, helping with homework, chauffeuring kids to activities, reading stories, putting kids down for nap time, the usual stuff. Being a mom consumes me. There isn’t anything wrong with this, but I have a tendency to forget to look up and enjoy the beauty around me. I live in my own little snow globe world and it takes effort to look beyond the fictitious glass, to what is on the outside. Frankly, the thought of even trying to do this can exhaust me.

In all the busyness, I can forget to breathe, look up, and take it all in. I forget to take care of myself. At one point, I’d even gotten to a place where showering felt like a chore! Showering was just another thing I had to rush through to check off my list, and lets be honest… most days I never even got around to it (and I have to admit that I still don’t always get around to it)!

Awhile back, I was driving on the freeway and I glanced up and noticed the mountains. It might seem cliche to say that my breath was taken away, but that’s how I felt. I’ve lived in Utah my whole life and the mountains easily tend to blend into the background of a preoccupied mind. I realized then that I go through life with my head down, more metaphorically than literally. For weeks after that, I made an effort to look up and take in the beauty around me. The peace those few moments brought each day, made the burdens I had at the time lighter. Taking a simple moment transformed me. It transformed my perspective on life.

No matter our circumstances, burdens seem easier to bear when we take that much needed breath, step back, and enjoy the extra little details around us that we tend to gloss over. Try to start looking through new lenses, to see what you are missing. Even if it is just a moment to lift your head and notice the small miracles around you. Soak in the little details and enjoy them!

Now lets get cheesy. There is something therapeutic about noticing the tiny details of nature, it’s like medicine for the soul!

An ant carrying a crumb across the sidewalk.

A bird working hard at it’s nest.

The early buds of leaves starting to sprout on the branches of trees that weren’t there the day before.

The bite of a cool breeze brushing through our hair and across our skin.

The smell of rain on the pavement.

I’d venture to guess these are all things we enjoy, but how often do we really notice them? How often do we let ourselves enjoy a moment where we do nothing but sit and take it all in? How often do we enjoy God’s creations? Most of us live in a whirlwind of absolute busyness. It is rare for us to allow ourselves time to really meet our own needs because we are hurriedly trying to meet everyone else’s needs instead.

Image by Jacques GAIMARD from Pixabay

It’s okay to take care of yourself first

At times there seems to be a stigma about caring for ourselves before others. I’ve been in several conversations where someone is going through a difficult trial in their life, or suffering from depression, and a well meaning individual starts talking about service. Yes, forgetting about ourselves in the service of others is an amazing thing! It really can help pull us through when we need it the most. But, it is impossible to give ourselves to others if we are merely an empty shell.

I work at a children’s hospital and often have parents, who are extremely worried to leave their child’s bedside. Many of them haven’t showered for days, forgotten to eat several meals, and are severely lacking in sleep. Some are barely functioning after a couple of days of frantic worry. Whenever I see this, I sit down with the parents and discuss with them the need to care not only for the child, but for themselves as well. We talk about how they can care for their child so much more, if they are meeting their own needs. It is amazing the difference I often see after they take a quick shower, or go for a little walk by themselves.

“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation

Self care is not a selfish act. Meeting our own needs makes us more equipped to take on our daily tasks. Life is busy, especially as a parent. We run ourselves ragged! Never underestimate the importance of taking a little breather for ourselves, no matter how small it may be. How can we possibly be fully aware of the needs of others if we are constantly ignoring, or aren’t even aware, of what our own needs are?

It would be fantastic if we could all check out on our responsibilities once a week and have a designated self care day. That is unbelievably laughable, right? No one has time for that! So the majority of self care we get comes in little moments throughout the day. A moment we pause, step back, and cleanse our minds of any useless internal dialogue, and just breath. Sometimes this requires briefly walking away from children or other busy environments. When we are at our whits end, overwhelmed, depressed, or frustrated, this is a useful tool to have in our survival belt.

So remember to stop and take care of yourself! Even if it means taking that tiny break I mentioned earlier by simply looking up and out of your own little snow globe of a world you live in. Take a breath. Enjoy the good. Not just in nature, but in all aspects of your life. Maybe it’s the way your kids are actually playing together and it’s adorable. Maybe it’s the way your spouse left you the last piece of your favorite dessert. Maybe it’s the way your eighty year old neighbors still hold hands when they take their daily walks. Maybe it’s by adding just an extra minute or two to the shower you usually rush through.

With social distancing we have been given a rare opportunity to stop, take that breath, and become more aware. Our usual routines are disrupted, making it a great time for self evaluation and starting new habits. It’s time to take a look at those details we so easily overlook. COVID-19 has impacted every individual differently. Some of us have found ourselves stuck in our homes with more time on our hands than we have ever wanted. Others, such as healthcare workers, or mom’s with school age children, may be busier than ever. Either way, learning to look beyond our distractions at our own current needs is a valuable skill.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Being aware helps us care for others

We have all had phases in our life, where we have more time on our hands to reach out to people. There are also times we might be on the verge of tears when we are asked to add one more thing to our plate. I’ve been there. I’ve felt completely overwhelmed by the mere thought of doing some big gesture to help someone else out. There are times I’ve been hanging on by a thread and I couldn’t think beyond the needs of my own family. It is okay to feel this way! We have all been there!

The interesting fact is when we do what I am suggesting, and take that small breather, we tend to notice those around us more. This puts us in a situation where we can reach out and help someone in need! Much like the elderly man trapped in the car. What if I hadn’t looked up and been more aware of my surroundings? What if I had my “task oriented brain” turned on and was only tuned into what I needed to buy and finding a closer parking spot?

It is an amazing thing, when we take a moment to look up. We notice little ways we can help others. It doesn’t always take some grand gesture of service. When we take a moment to be more aware of our surroundings we notice great opportunities to lend a helping hand. Like a cute old lady at the grocery store trying to reach a jar on the top shelf but coming up empty handed. The mere seconds it takes to step in and help her out can put a smile on her face, and ours for the rest of the day. This type of service may seem simple and take very little of our time, and yet it can be just as impactful to the person we are helping with any grand service project.

“Kindness and awareness work together. Through awareness we understand the underlying beauty of everything and every being.”

Amit Ray, Nonviolence: The Transforming Power

I urge all of us to look up and practice awareness. The more we do this the more we will come to realize how awareness and service go hand in hand. It is great that awareness has a two fold consequence! The first one is for our own personal benefit; when we are aware (take that breath and step back) our spirits soar, it rejuvenates us and brings us peace. The second consequence is it provides opportunities to serve, blessing so many other lives beyond our own.

Be aware of all things

I bear my personal witness that the Father is at this moment aware of you, your feelings, and the spiritual and temporal needs of everyone around you.

Henry B. Eyring, His Spirit to Be with You, April 2018

Our own Heavenly Father is aware of us and our needs. He is aware! Isn’t it about time we start pondering what our own needs are according to his will? If He is aware of my needs, I want to be more aware of them as well. I want to be ready when he calls upon me as a tool to meet the needs of another. I want to be aware of those around me and their needs. This can only be done through being aware and tuned into the Holy Spirit, and by being aware of those around us.

It would be amazing to put on the lenses of God and see the world how he sees it. To see his children the way he sees them. To see our family, neighbors, friends, and even strangers as He sees them. What a marvelous perspective to strive for! To see ourselves as He sees us. If we could share this view I can only imagine the infinite love that would fill our souls.

So take time to breath, and look up. Take time to listen to the Spirit’s promptings. We will be guided on how to meet our own needs as well as others. As we take these moments throughout the day and pause, we will be guided and blessed by the spirit. We will find peace and feel rejuvenated to take on any responsibility, no matter how daunting it may be. When we do this, we will likely find someone who is in need of our help, and find joy in serving.

It is time to practice being aware, just as our Heavenly Father is aware of all things.

What does being aware, just like our Heavenly Father is aware, mean to you? Please comment below on your insights!

Never Inadequate

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I vividly remember sitting in the women’s general conference, for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in October five years ago. I sat on the church bench with my three month old baby sleeping happily in the car seat next to me. I honestly don’t remember the talks from the broadcast but I do remember watching Sister Linda K. Burton, who was the Relief Society General President at the time. I felt inspired by her message and remember thinking, “Wow, what an amazing woman. What kind of life must she have led to be standing where she is now.” At that instant a jolt hit me with force, like lightning crackling from my head down through my body. I was stunned. I had never felt anything like it before. I have felt promptings from the Holy Ghost and received personal revelation, but I had never experienced such a strong physical… push. More profoundly, however, were the feelings that accompanied it.

Now I want to be clear- this was by no means saying I was destined for the same path as Sister Burton. To me the message was direct, Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me. I knew I needed to start taking the actions needed to reach my full potential. I knew I was a long way off from where I needed to be, and where I wanted to be.

I drove home inspired, I made a plan to start reaching goals that would help me get on the path I wanted.

Did I mention this was five years ago?

Yeah, I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t follow through with most of my plan. I still feel like I am lacking and far from the steps that prompting encouraged me to take. I’ve been discouraged and mad at myself for not trying harder. I’ve had two more babies since that time and life got busy. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. In part, it was true. I never have a moment alone and those steps I needed to take were time consuming. When I became honest with myself though, there was one main thing holding me back.

Inadequacy.

Starting this blog was one thing I knew needed to happen. Over the years the prompting has gotten stronger until I no longer could ignore it.

I was terrified.

What do I have to say that anyone would even care about? What if no one likes it? What if I offend people? What if no one reads it? What if my writing isn’t good enough? I’m not as spiritual as I’d like to be right now. How can I help others if I’m not even where I should be? I’m no one special, I can’t make a difference.

Self doubt flooded over me.

“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!”

C. JoyBell C.

Inadequacy Does Not Equal Failure

Inadequate. This is a feeling we have all felt at one point or another. It’s negative connotation speaks volumes when someone says it towards another person. When we say it to ourselves, our self worth drops significantly.

The feelings that come with fearing we are inadequate tear us apart and ultimately can make us lose hope. We feel like we have failed.

Feelings of inadequacy often come from constantly coming up short in many areas of our life. We play countless roles through life, these roles are ever changing. I’ve made a quick list of all the roles I currently play in the life of me:

I am a-

  • Wife
  • Mother
  • Homemaker
  • Daughter and daughter-in-law
  • Sister and sister-in-law
  • Aunt
  • Cousin
  • Niece
  • Friend
  • Neighbor
  • Nurse
  • Employee
  • Coworker
  • Ministering Sister
  • And I serve in different callings in my church

Some of these roles, I feel like I do okay in. Others stress me out and there are several I know I am failing at miserably. Feeling overwhelmed and spread thin is a common feeling we all have. This leaves us feeling inadequate and quite frankly exhausted. “If I only had more time during the day,” is a common thought I have, “then I could have done everything I needed to do”. But we don’t have more time, and the things we wanted to accomplish can pile up. This can make us feel like we have a big fat “FAILURE” tattooed on us for all to see. This only worsens when we start comparing ourselves to what appears to be the picture perfect people around us. “Those” people seem to have it all together, “they” have it all figured out.

In what aspects of your life are you feeling inadequate? To organize your thoughts it might help to make a list of all the roles you play like my list above. Look at the areas you are strong in, you aren’t failing! What areas do you need to improve? What areas terrify you to even start trying? If you feel like you are not strong in any of them that’s okay. Failure should never be defined by our regrets, it is what we choose do with those regrets that defines it. So do we choose to push on, to keep trying? Or do we wallow and hide?

The reality is we can’t do it all at once. There are so many roles we play in life, that we can’t possibly excel in all of them at any one given moment. So stop trying to be perfect at everything all the time! We are going to make mistakes and mess up, no matter how much we think we have improved. We will never be perfect. Instead, we must learn to accept imperfection, or we will never learn from our mistakes. It is okay to place things on the back burner, while we take the time to focus on another area. Prioritize what areas you need to focus on. When one area is strengthened and new habits have formed, you will be able to focus on another area.

What things didn’t make your list that you want for yourself in the future? It is okay to dream big, to want more. What do you need to do to make it happen? What negative words of self doubt do you need to cast off?

One thing that must be said, is there will be situations that arise where we feel like we aren’t enough, like we don’t have what it takes. These situations occur outside of the designated roles we see ourselves in. I’ve heard many people lately saying they feel inadequate because of the situation COVID-19 has put them in. They don’t feel equipped to home school their kids, they feel inadequate to provide for their family, and other various strains. It is okay to grieve, it is okay to be afraid, these reactions are part of humanity, and they have a purpose. Acknowledge them, mourn… but don’t let it consume you. For more on this see Letting Ourselves Grieve.

“You cannot be escorted by the belief of inadequacy and get to the destination of excellence. Go along with “a can do spirit” because that is the only companion!”

Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes

There is a term I learned, in my psychology class in high school, and I became familiar with it again in nursing school. It is called “self fulfilling prophecy”. According to this, our actions are influenced by a belief or prediction we have. Because our actions were influenced by our thoughts, the prediction actually came true. In other words, if we tell ourselves we are inadequate and can’t do something, then our actions reflect this and it becomes true. Luckily we can use this for the positive as well! If we learn to change our mindset and tell ourselves, “I can do this!”, we are more inclined to put it into action and voila! We learn that we really can!

Reaching Our Full Potential

How many of us have had a Disney’s the Lion King moment, “Simba, you are more than what you have become!”

Often times these urges to be better than we are, come from an innate desire to improve ourselves. It doesn’t always take divine promptings that urge us to do better, to be better, to reach a goal that always seemed too scary to even try. We all have dreams and aspirations, but self doubt tricks us into thinking we are inadequate. These urges are a call to action, to stop thinking and start acting.

It can be terrifying to ignore the feelings of inadequacy, but if we do, life will be more fulfilling and purposeful. Changing our mindset from the negative to the positive takes practice, but it is possible.

We all have greatness within us. Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. So I ask you, what do you need to do to reach your full potential?

“Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.”

Joshua 1:9, The Old Testament

Don’t give up. If you feel like you have hit a wall, get creative and try taking a detour that can get you to where you need. When self doubt and inadequacies threaten to take you down, hold your head high and remember that you are a child of God. If our own Heavenly Father knows we are special and sees the fullness of our potential, shouldn’t we start believing in ourselves? Believing we can be more? When we feel ill equipped to add more to our plates and that we are barely hanging on, believe in yourself. You are never alone and our Savoir is urging you onward.

Image by Vicki Nunn from Pixabay

We are worth His love, and our life is precious. We are never past hope and we are always capable of change. Reaching our full potential is a life long journey. We won’t get there tomorrow or even next week. Enjoy the ride and be brave. Believe in yourself!

Remember you are enough!

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