Social Distancing Joy
Last week my husband and I had our three oldest kids deliver a bit of social distancing joy! My husband said I should title this image “Helicopter Parents 2020”, haha! I decided to go with more of the survival mode aspect. I have been in desperate need of my own personal stress relief and knew many of my loved ones did too! What better way to provide a bit of happiness with delicious Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a bit of humor?
On our delivery day we spread our social distancing joy to seven different homes. It was completely worth it to see the smiles on their faces and hear their laughter! Several people commented that our visit was desperately needed. Being able to chat for a bit after the delivery made life seem slightly normal amid the Covid-19 craziness.
Just as a note, I am not an obsessive helicopter parent as these pictures suggest! This was purely for humor purposes. After each delivery my kids ripped off that gear as fast as humanly possible!
Inside story: life is never Pinterest perfect
Unbeknownst to me, my husband and I tried suffocating our eldest daughter for the the first six houses we went to. Each time she put the gas mask on she would exclaim, “I can’t breath! How do you breath in this dad?” My husband, who is a cop and the gas mask is part of his work gear, would say, “What are you talking about? It’s super easy to breath in. You’re fine.” Then any further complaints (which were actually surprisingly few) we would chalk up to her being dramatic (like most twelve year old girls are).
Right before our final delivery she complained a lot more than usual and my husband finally slid the mask on himself. He silently removed the mask and twisted off the filter. A muffled laugh lined with a speck of guilt escaped his lips, barely audible. I watched as he popped off a cap on the filter and then screwed the filter back on the mask.
“Have we been suffocating our daughter all this time?” I asked horrified.
My husband laughed and said to my daughter, “How in the world have you been breathing in that thing? That was aweful!”
Parents of the year award, right here.
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Are you still trying to maintain social distancing? Check out our Daily Quarantine Challenges free printable. It is designed to be fun, productive, and give hope!
Faith in Our Heavenly Father, the Master Gardener
Today I feel like telling you a little story.
Once upon a time my sister gave me three little baby sunflower starts. I was excited and knew exactly where I wanted to plant them. They were going on the south side of my house, by the porch where everyone walking by could see. They were going to look amazing!
I weeded and tilled the ground, thinking only of the end results. In my haste, I overlooked some very important details. I planted these baby sunflowers between a western fence and a large shade tree to the east. In the beginning these little flowers grew strong, undeterred by the limited sunlight. By late summer however, they began to struggle.
Normally I’m pretty good about paying attention to how much sunlight exposure a plant will get along with other conditions before planting. For some reason this time, I failed to look into those details as much as I should.
The first sunflower gave up trying to reach the sun. It seemed content to have only a few hours of sunlight midday when the sun was high in the sky. Once the sun dipped below the fence in late afternoon, the flower was completely cut off from any sunlight. It still tried to bloom, but soon withered before it’s flower could reach it’s full beauty. I couldn’t help but feel bad for the flower. Little did it know that in less than a foot it could have surpassed the fence and flourished in sunlight. It seemed to give up too soon.
The second sunflower had been planted the same distance from the fence as the first flower, but it seemed determined to find the light. It reached for the sun by what ever means possible. It bent and bowed and basked in the sun. It’s stem wasn’t straight and leaned to the side, but that sunflower blossomed! This flower worked hard and was persistent, never giving up! It was planted right beside the first sunflower, who never made it to the sun, but it decided it wanted a different fate than its companion. This flower may not be like other sunflowers which are straighter, taller, seemingly more perfect, but it was beautiful nonetheless.
Then there was the third sunflower. This sunflower grew straight and tall and also bloomed gloriously. After looking at the picture one might be inclined to assume that this flower did so well because it had the most light. Don’t forget the tree I mentioned earlier. It blocked all morning light, well past noon. This flower still did not get the recommended 6-8 hours of sun light per day needed by a sunflower, yet it thrived. This flower, which appears so strong and tall, could have struggled too, but it didn’t. It didn’t reach sideways, knowing it could reach more light. It simply waited until late afternoon- knowing the sun would come.
Our Master Gardener
I am a novice gardener. I did not consider that these poor plants might struggle. Unlike what these plants had, our Gardener is perfect! He is no novice, he knows how much light we need to grow to reach our full potential. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t make mistakes! Now this doesn’t mean that every single one of us has been planted in ideal circumstances. On the contrary! Our soil may be too rocky or not as fertile as other peoples. Perhaps there has been more shade and not a lot of exposure to the gospel. But our Gardener, our loving Heavenly Father, has made it possible for us to take root no matter the circumstances, regardless of how rough or shaded our terrain may be. He has provided the light if we only search for it. Don’t give up too soon, no situation is too hopeless! The light is there. Bend and reach, just like that second sunflower if you must.
Like these flowers, are we doing all we can to bask in the light of Christ? Our redeemer, the light of the world, is shining down on us at all times. It is up to us to choose and accept that light.
Some of us may be like the third flower, where following the gospel and reaching for the light comes naturally. These people have faith that light will always be there. Others may be more like the second flower, bending and reaching, having faith that the light is there but not always sure where to find it. Then of course there are those of us like the first sunflower, never finding the light and doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
Shaded times will come
There are many lessons I have learned in life, and one of them is that shade will come. There will be times where the skies are overcast and hope feels distant. Many of us have a hard time feeling our Heavenly Father’s love during these times and feeling the light we so desperately thirst for. I believe that none of us truly have a strong, rail straight stalk, just like the third flower. In reality we are all bending and twisting around life’s obstacles, being led by faith.
Just because the clouds are there, doesn’t mean the sun has disappeared. Christ is there, He is always there.
“Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness… I testify that with Christ, darkness cannot succeed. Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ. I bear witness that darkness cannot stand before the brilliant light of the Son of the living God!”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, The Hope of God’s Light
There is light within us
I have always loved sunflowers. They are so cheerful and bright! These flowers seem to exude their own light, as their heads follow the sun across the sky. When smaller sunflowers are cut and on display in a vase, they seem to brighten a room.
We have each been born with the Light of Christ within us. The discerning mind to recognize good from evil. A light to shine for others during their times of darkness. We are all unique and beautiful, despite our flaws.
Our beloved Father in Heaven has given us the Light of Christ. And deep within each one of us, a heavenly stirring urges us to turn our eyes and hearts to Him as we make the pilgrimage back to our celestial home.
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Light of Christ
Let us always turn our heads toward the Lord, shining forth our light in hope and faith. He will always be there.
“He is the light and the life of the world; yeah, a light that can never be darkened…”
Mosiah 16:9, The Book of Mormon
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The Notorious Cooking Spray
Did I wait 30 min for my grocery pickup today? Yes.
Did the Walmart worker drop the cooking spray and break it’s lid? Yes.
Did he then come to my drivers side window and spray it into the air to prove it still works. Yes.
Did the wind blow the cooking spray into my car and all over my face and glasses? Yes.
Did I still keep the cooking spray with no lid when he asked if I still wanted it? Yes- yes I did.
I found this little gem in my Facebook history. It was something I wrote about a year ago and it still makes me laugh! I remember this day all too well! Let me give you a little back story; this day had already been horrible! I was in a bad mood (no, I’m not perfect!) While waiting for our groceries, my kids had escalated to full on screaming fits. I was desperate to get my groceries and go home.
Then the Walmart associate sprayed me in the face.
I LAUGHED.
I could have gotten angry. I could have yelled. I could have even cried. My personalty is more of the type to stay silent and let my anger simmer. However, none of these things happened. I don’t know why, but the exact opposite came to be. This event actually cheered me up! I was able to find the humor despite all the negative leading up to this moment.
It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I hope we can all find the humor in life. Especially when we are in a bad mood!
Oh, and for the record… There ain’t no way I was giving that cooking spray back. I had already paid for it! I wasn’t about to send the worker back into the depths of Walmart to fetch a new one while my children assaulted my ears with their war cries. Nope, I took that sucker home and it still worked just as well without a lid.
Would you have kept the cooking spray? No judgement! I’m just curious, I’ve had several people tell me they were shocked that I kept it. Comment below and tell me if you would or wouldn’t have kept it.
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Letting Ourselves Grieve
Grief.
We have all experienced the downs that inevitably come with life. Death, loss… My heart is full as I have pondered this topic. The truth is, I can spout positive words all day long on my blog, but none of it will make a difference unless we address grief. Grief is felt when we have experienced loss of a loved one, or experienced some sort of tragedy in our life. We grieve over what was lost and the future that could have been.
Sadness, despair, pain, anguish, hopelessness, desperation, distress, unhappiness, sorrow, anger, guilt, numbness, despondence. There are so many words to describe our feelings and emotions that emerge while we grieve… and yet these descriptions never seem adequate. Soul tormenting grief rips at us from the inside out, breaks our very being, and threatens to drag us under. It can feel like we are drowning on dry ground and are unable to find a helping hand. Sometimes we don’t want to find a helping hand.
Like all of you, I have stared grief in the face many times through out my life. In When Foundations Fail, I mention losing my house in a landslide and my parents divorce when I was a teenager. In my adult years I have continued to lose much. Including my precious Emily Elizabeth, my daughter who was born at twenty-one weeks gestation and died in my arms, after living a miraculous nine minutes. Does this make me an expert on grief? Absolutely not. Grief is something I am familiar with and yet I feel completely inadequate even writing about.
In the midst of hardship I don’t need to tell you it will be okay.
I don’t need to tell you it will heal with time.
I don’t need to tell you to count your blessings.
I don’t need to tell to you seek solace in loved ones.
All of these things have their place in the grief process, it is true. Turn to those things when you are ready, but first stop trying to ignore and brush off what you are feeling. It is okay to FEEL! Let those emotions take over, experience them. You are completely validated in feeling the way you do! Be sad, cry, and feel that anguish. Feel angry if you need to! Be angry over what was taken from you and what could have been.
“Grief hurts, but it can be the salve that helps us heal when it is allowed to do it’s work appropriately. The first step in handling grief is to recognize that the pain is a normal part of the process. It needs to be acknowledged, not avoided.”
Steven Eastmond, The Healing Power of Grief
There are many things we grieve throughout life: death, loss of a job, loss of a friendship or relationship, worldwide pandemics, natural disasters, loss of health, and other life changes or tragedies that hit close to home or far away. We must remember not to compare our adversities or trials to those of another.
If you are struggling over something that seems like it should be so simple to handle, stop being so hard on yourself! So many times I have heard someone say “well yeah, but my problems no way compare to those of my neighbors.” Comparing trials may give us perspective and help us feel better knowing it could be worse, but it doesn’t take away the fact that we are struggling now and need to grieve.
If we don’t address our emotions in these situations, they could end up prolonging the healing process. Like a shaken soda bottle, they can bubble up later because we held them in for so long.
What does the grieving process look like?
There is no simple answer to this question. I could go back to my nursing school days and tell you the textbook answer of grief has five basic stages, based off the Kubler-Ross grief cycle:
- Denial- Avoiding
- Anger- Pent up and avoided emotions explode
- Bargaining- With God, others, or oneself, desperately attempting to find a solution
- Depression- Reality sinks in, along with the finality of it
- Acceptance- The upward turn, finding a way to move forward
This can give us a basic idea of grief, but humanity is much more complicated with infinite emotions we can cram into this cycle. These stages can happen in any order, and some people don’t experience all of the stages.
What can we learn from this? We need to be patient with ourselves! When something horrible happens to us, no matter how big or small, we can’t expect to feel fine and dandy right away. There is no set time for how long the grief process lasts or how long any of these stages can take.
Grief is the emotional, and often physical, response we have when we experience loss… Grief can involve virtually every emotion or can leave us feeling numb and disconnected from the world around us.
Steven Eastmond, The Healing Power of Grief
Grieving is unique and individual
Two adult siblings who lose a parent, may respond completely differently in the grief process. One may jump to action, busying themselves with tasks and reaching out to friends and family. The other sibling may wall themselves in at home, ignoring calls and messages. Neither way of grieving is incorrect.
A common mistake is to compare our grief to another. We assume we should react differently when we see others, who appear to be “functioning” better than we are. Additionally, just because a person is “functioning” well, doesn’t mean their grief isn’t felt as deeply. Being patient with ourselves and with others, while grieving, can make a tremendous difference when unexpected emotions arise.
As a nurse, I’ve been witness to complete strangers in their grief . I’ve seen sobbing, wailing, lots of anger, detachment, and a whole slew of other responses. Two of the most memorable moments in my career came in the dark hours of a night shift. During each experience, my pediatric patient was sleeping well and I had snuck in to their room, to hook up an IV antibiotic or other medication. My plan was to stay about five minutes, in order to finish my task, and then be on my way. Instead, I’d emerged from each room over an hour later. I had found a grieving parent seeking solace in my presence. With their child asleep, the walls of strength they had constructed for the benefit of their child, had come crashing down. I had no wisdom to give them in those moments, just a listening ear as they expressed their fears.
Having opportunities like these is humbling, and I wish they gave me more answers about the grieving process. Honestly though, the best I can say is to love ourselves and others during those difficult times. Don’t give up. Even through the darkest times, when we can barely breathe, light will come. With an eternal perspective, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We can’t always see it, but it is there.
Have Faith
“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
It is my hope we do not shut out our Heavenly Father during tragedy. I once had a friend tell me in anger, that she no longer wanted Gods help. She had lost her home, career, and filed for bankruptcy. She told me she wanted nothing to do with God anymore and that she would get everything back without God’s help. If we find ourselves on that slippery slope, filled with anger and desperation, we must find a way to kneel and plead with our Heavenly Father instead of shutting him out.
It is possible to move on from tragedy without the Lords help. But how much easier will it be if we use the atonement to ease our burdens? Henry B. Eyring put it so well in this beautiful testimony:
Even when you feel the truth… and kindness of the Lord to deliver you in your trials, it may still test your courage and strength to endure. The Prophet Joseph Smith cried out in agony in a dungeon: “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?”
The Lord’s reply has helped me and can encourage us all in times of darkness. Here it is: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.“
I have seen faith and courage come from a testimony that it is true that we are being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful disciples. And the disciple who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle.
Henry B. Eyring, Adversity
What an amazing perspective to have during difficult times! We all must endure to the end. Although these trials are “but a small moment”, while we are living them, they feel like so much more. Allowing ourselves to grieve and turn to the Lord, will bring peace and help us find light in the darkness.
Grief isn’t about dealing with our emotions so we can return to our old selves. Grief is like reconstructing a jigsaw puzzle, one painful piece at a time. In some places the pieces that once matched no longer fit together, but we make do. In the end, the puzzle’s image is not the same as it was, but it is still just as unique and important. We emerge from grief changed and different, hopefully stronger. It is our decision to let grief refine and improve us, or leave us cynical and hard heartened. It will leave scars, this is inevitable, but those scars don’t have to keep us from moving forward.
In Isaiah 53:4, it states, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows”. The Savoir can help us reconstruct the jigsaw puzzle and fill in the pieces that are completely missing. We can find hope in Him when it appears there is no hope.
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Parenting at Our Wits’ End
Do I like my kids? Now, please don’t judge me too harshly on the days I answer with an emphatic “no” to this question! I wish I could remember who posed this question to me years ago so I could give them credit, but it is a great question to ask yourself to see where you currently stand in your parenting.
For me this is situational, there are times the answer is, YES! Other times I’m ashamed to say the answer is no. Parenthood is a selfless act that leaves us feeling drained and defeated. My kids know all too well how to push just the right buttons to get my blood boiling. Many times the afternoon hours drag on way too long and we count down the minutes until we can put our kids to bed and get that much needed “me time” in.
Right now we have no escape from our home bound children. Because of the Covid-19 pandemic we can’t get away from them! Social media is flooded with mom’s venting over their frustrations of being confined to their homes with no other outlets and their children driving them bonkers.
The challenges of quarantine heighten our emotions and makes parenting so much more difficult. Because obviously, parenting wasn’t even easy before the pandemic! Right now I’m surviving on a day by day basis. Some days I’m a stellar mom, I’m engaged all day long and we do fun activities. Other days we are in our pj’s the whole day and the TV is turned on the entire time. My temper flares more often than I would care to admit, and there are days where multiple kids are having melt downs- ALL. DAY. LONG! At the end of the really bad days it is easy to fall into guilt trip mode and feel like I have failed.
Years ago in an act of desperation I started researching out self help parenting books and different discipline methods. I wanted to enjoy my kids and not feel defeated every day. Have you ever looked into parenting advice? The internet and book stores are flooded with parenting tricks that promise miracles. Everyone has an opinion on this topic. Even random strangers, at the grocery store, have been known to offer unsolicited advice to frantic, disheveled moms, with misbehaving children in tow. The list of must do’s and never do’s as a parent are never ending:
- Be consistent, follow through with the rules!
- Let your child fail!
- Model the behavior you want them to have, lead by example!
- Keep your own emotions in check!
- Be actively engaged!
- Spend quality time with each child!
- Keep a strict bedtime!
- No more than two hours of screen time a day!
- Practice positive reinforcement!
… You get the idea. The list goes on and on and much of the advice can actually conflict with each another: don’t spank, do spank! Don’t co-sleep, do co-sleep! To make things more difficult, every child is different! What works with my oldest definitely doesn’t work with my middle child. I can read parenting books and feel so inspired. Then a situation arises and I am deflated. “This wasn’t talked about in the book! What should I do now?” The hardest part, however, is when I fail to do many of the things that really do make a good parent. This inevitably leads to more guilt. No matter how many times I promise myself I will be a better parent, I end up letting myself down. The guilt of another bad day weighs on my shoulders.
We feel this way because we love our children beyond description and feel like they deserve so much more than what we have to offer. We feel like we are bled dry and have no more to give, and yet we still tell ourselves that we are coming up short in the parent department. How is it that we give so much and yet still feel that it isn’t enough?
Go easy on yourself. It’s okay if you aren’t a perfect parent. Tomorrow is always a new day. When we find ourselves in challenging circumstances, the best we can do is take it one day at a time. We must forgive ourselves for the bad days and try again the next day. Parenthood is a job we always show up for. There are times when we just want to hide under our covers, but we still show up. Because we have to. Because we love our children. It’s okay if we can’t muster the energy to put together great activities and experiences for our children every single day. It’s okay that some days we are in survival mode, as long as we recognize our limits.
What can we do when our emotions threaten to take over?
Simply surviving can be scary. While in survival mode we are stressed, and our emotions are on the verge of complete takeover. As a parent, this is not always a good thing. We can lose control and become the type of parent we never wanted to be.
I’d like to share a little story about a time in my life where I became all too familiar with survival mode as a parent.
I became a divorced single mom at the age of twenty-five. I rented a quaint little town home perched on the side of a mountain, a place I felt safe to raise my two-year old daughter. We were blessed at this time. I had just finished nursing school, passed the nursing boards, and had finished my training at the children’s hospital, where I still work to this day. In order to be with my daughter more, I worked night shifts. The shifts were twelve hours long, but as any nurse will tell you, that number is deceiving. At the twelve hour mark is when I would start giving report to the oncoming nurse. If I had a good day, I would be able to leave after about twelve and a half hours of working. On a busier shift I would have to catch up on charting and finish tying up loose ends, making my shift much longer.
This time of my life is a blur. Sure, I got to see my sweet little girl more than most single moms, but I was desperately sleep deprived. I would wake up with my little early riser at seven each morning, be with her all day, and go to work that night to start my shift at 7:00pm. When I got home from work the next morning my wonderful mom, who spent the night babysitting, would have to leave for work, so I still wouldn’t sleep. Three times a week I would be up for about thirty-two hours. I’d get naps in here in there, but it was rough. My daughter went with her dad every other weekend, so I was able to sleep a bit more between shifts at those times, but it was never enough.
Before my daughters third birthday she went through a phase of waking at about 2am every single night. Just so you understand, this wasn’t an “ignore her and she’ll fall back asleep” awakening. This was an “up for hours trying to get this wide awake tantrum throwing child back to bed”.
The problem was I needed this time. The few nights a week I actually got a full nights sleep, I needed a full nights sleep! I’d wake delirious and what I like to refer to as “Monster Mom” would emerge. I am not proud of Monster Mom, but she tends to come out when I am exhausted and need sleep. I tried so hard to bury Monster Mom deep within (knowing if she emerged getting my daughter to sleep would be ten times harder). But in those dark hours of the night I wasn’t always successful. After over a month of this I was brought to tears. On one specific night after her usual awakening, I was able to get her back to sleep and successfully sneak out of her room and crawl back into my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow my daughter started crying out again. The tears welled and poured down my cheeks as I waited to see if she would go back to sleep. She didn’t. I dragged my exhausted body from the bed, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I sank to my knees on the floor outside of my daughters bedroom and sobbed to my Heavenly Father pleading for help. “What should I do?” I prayed.
Peace flooded over me as the tears abruptly came to a stop.
“Just love her.”
The words were spoken clearly in my mind. It was not my voice but that of the Holy Ghost. The words were clear, loving, and strong.
I was able to stand and have the strength needed to go comfort my little girl for that night, and many nights more, until she started sleeping through the night again.
“Just love her,” are words I have turned to in my parenting many times since. There are always unpleasant childhood phases I don’t have control over. Just like when she wasn’t sleeping through the night. This same daughter will be thirteen this year and these unpleasant phases come and go all the time! I’ve learned I can’t “fix” my child. Especially as she has grown older and exercises her own agency, I can’t make her do what I want. I can guide, direct, and lead by example. Obviously, discipline is often in the equation too. What it mostly comes down to however, is this simple phrase, “just love her.”
“To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon our Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day and as you deal with the challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them.”
President Thomas S. Monson
As parents we all have desperate moments where we feel helpless. We can feel at our whits end and have no idea what to do. Our patience is gone and we are fed up. Monster Mom, or Dad, has emerged. At these desperate times who better to turn to than our Heavenly Father for parenting advice?
There are times we have to stop trying to parent, stop trying to fix things and just love. We have to learn to let go of perfection and the ideal picture of what a parent should be. That person doesn’t exist. You are what your child needs and you have what it takes! Every day doesn’t have to be perfect- instead strive for perfect moments. Moments of quality interaction, moments of tenderness, moments of love. Show love to your children! If you build these moments into your day, then when the bad moments strike- your children will never doubt your love for them. They will be so much more resilient if Monster Mom does end up making an appearance, because a couple of negative outbursts can never outweigh all the love you have shown them.
“Just love them,” is a phrase that has kept coming to my mind during the past several weeks of social distancing. My patience as a mom has been tested at a whole new level! On the bad days I have to remind myself what is most important, and that is love. Jesus taught us how to teach with love and guide by love. As an imperfect human, following His example takes practice on a daily basis.
When we feel the emotions starting to bubble up, we need to recognize our limits, turn to the Lord, and adjust our plans accordingly:
What if Covid-19 induced home school has to be put on hold for a day? –Oh well!
What if you were dealing with a tantruming toddler all evening only to find out that he just needed to be held and you can’t get dinner started? –Who cares, getting take out is an option!
What if you have to wait to discipline your disrespectful teenager until after you calm down? -Walking away shows more love than screaming at them when we have completely lost control and say things in anger we never should say.
What if Monster Mom emerged and you know it’s a good possibility it may happen again before the day is through? –Turn on the TV and just cuddle your little ones. Sometimes the TV is better when we know we aren’t in control.
These are just some silly examples, but adjusting our original plan to what will help us succeed when we are hanging on by a thread makes us good parents.
Learning to respond to our children with love, when they have pushed our buttons, can be hard! I am going to tell you the honest truth, none of us are perfect at it! We must love ourselves, forgive ourselves, wipe the slate clean after each bad moment or day and try again. Turn to the Lord. Look into your child’s eyes and feel the love they have for you! Despite every miss step and bad parenting moment your child still loves you!
“Parenting has nothing to do with perfection. Perfection isn’t even the goal, not for us, not for our children. Learning together to live well in an imperfect world, loving each other despite or even because of our imperfections, and growing as humans while we grow our little humans, those are the goals of gentle parenting. So don’t ask yourself at the end of the day if you did everything right. Ask yourself what you learned and how well you loved, then grow from your answer. That is perfect parenting.”
L.R. Knost
I believe the first step to enjoying parenthood, not just surviving it, starts with love.
Now I’d like to ask you a question:
Do YOU like your kids?
Of course you love them, that is not in question. But are you excited to come home from a long day of work or other activity and spend time with your kids? Do you look forward on a regular basis to being able to interact with your kids? Do you wake up each morning and jump into action the moment your kids beckon, or do you groan and want to curl into the fetal position and hide?
Don’t feel guilty if you are realizing you aren’t really liking your kids right now. I am no expert on parenting, I am in the midst of it just like you. But I have come to realize, when I have felt this way about my kids, these negative feelings directly impact the way I show love to my children. I don’t show as much tenderness, I am quick to anger, and frankly- I just don’t show as much love. The interesting thing is I don’t believe these feelings come from our children or their actions. We feel this way because we are too busy juggling everything else in our life and are overwhelmed with life itself. I talk about this more and the importance of caring for ourselves in depth in my posts, Aware in All Things and Never Inadequate.
Perhaps you are thinking, I love hanging out with my kids! I don’t know what she is talking about! Or maybe you are thinking, “I despise my kids, she is being way too nice on the description of these little monsters!” We all have our own unique circumstances and it doesn’t matter where we are in our own personal journey through parenthood. What we all can agree on is that it is hard! Parenthood is one of the most difficult tasks we have taken on in this life and has the biggest consequences if we fail. The stakes are high!
I know that if we turn to our Heavenly Father, He will guide us in knowing how to raise these precious little spirits we are blessed with (Prepare or Protect? Raising Spiritually Resilient Children). He will help us know how to show love, when we feel like we have nothing else to give. During those desperate moments when we feel like we have lost control and our emotions are rampaging, turn to our Heavenly Father. Seek his guidance. He knows we have the strength and the ability to meet the needs of our children. He knows we have the capacity to provide the love needed to sustain them. When we are unsure of how we can accomplish this, He will show the way.
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