Parenting Chaos

Parenting can be a chaotic mess! It can also reap the biggest blessings of our lifetime. This is a place for parents to celebrate the joys of parenthood and to also find comfort during the desperate lows we all encounter.

How to Teach Children about Masks and COVID-19

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Let’s talk masks!

Back in April of 2020, when the world began to panic, everything was shutting down. Toilet paper was a thing of the past and you could buy a single mask for $50 on the black market because no one could find any in stock. Well, back then I was lucky. I already had a box of Walgreen masks stored away with my first aid and medical equipment. Somehow, that box migrated to my mini van where it sat upfront by the driver’s seat. I’m not even sure how it got there, and I honestly remember thinking multiple times, “I need to bring that back into the house.” But I didn’t.

And it got STOLEN!

Yes. Someone stole my box of masks right out of my van. Nothing else of value was taken, just my super cute (but cheap) sunglasses. But honestly, there is a possibility I may find those sunglasses lost under a bed in my house and they were never really stolen.

The masks, however, were stolen. I like to think of some poor, desperate person walking past my soccer mom mini van and spotting the box of masks. Surely the situation they were in made the temptation too great. Surely they needed those masks more than me…

But I’m married to a cop, and the cynical side of me also sees those masks being sold off one at a time on the internet for a fortune.

Anyway, back then we didn’t know how long this pandemic would last. Fast forward a few months and you can buy masks easily at your favorite shopping venue: Walmart, Old Navy, Target, Amazon… masks are everywhere! They are required at school, restaurants, stores, even some cities have mandated masks.

Last Saturday morning while driving to work, my mind began to wander. The roads were clear and the world seemed peaceful, even though life hasn’t felt peaceful in quite some time. I began to wonder if I would be assigned to another COVID-19 patient to care for that day at the pediatric hospital where I work.

As I drove, I also wondered about the long term psychological effect of COVID-19 on children. With mandatory masks at school and the scary element of an unknown “sickness” they hear adults talk about; I like many of us, feared for their future. My eight-year-old nephew told his mom not too long ago that he was scared of masks. He was scared to wear one, and seeing people wear them scared him as well. I know my nephew isn’t alone in his fears. Many of us have asked, “what long term impact could this pandemic have on our little ones?”

If their is one thing my career has taught me, it’s the resilience of children. They really are remarkable when facing obstacles.

Several years ago I remember placing a nasogastric tube on a girl who was about 8 years old. A nasogastric tube is a tube inserted through the nose that goes all the way down the throat and into the stomach. Unfortunately the first attempt was unsuccessful and I had to torture her a second time, in order to get the tube placed. She cried and fought and I thought for sure I would be placed on the top of her hit list. I grabbed a teddy bear to give her as a prize for being brave, and when I came back to the room and handed it to her she smiled and asked me, “What’s your name again?” I responded telling her that my name is Elizabeth, and without hesitation she said, “Then I’m going to name this teddy bear Elizabeth!” She then told me I was one of her favorite nurses that had cared for her.

I don’t have all the answers on how our children will be effected, but I have hope that our children will emerge from this pandemic just fine. Maybe even stronger than before. But as parents, it is up to us to help them through it.

That morning in the car, I began to concoct a family lesson on how to teach my children about COVID-19 and why we are wearing masks. I wanted my children to start school understanding the “why’s” behind it and help them through any fear they may be feeling because of COVID-19.

The lesson exceeded my expectations! My girls giggled and laughed throughout the lesson, but they also expressed fear I hadn’t known was there related to the pandemic. I was surprised by the insightful questions they had. I loved how they were able to grasp the concept of COVID-19 and masks. The lesson went so well I thought I’d share it with all of you!

Below is my lesson plan on how to teach children about masks and COVID-19. It is geared toward elementary aged children, but even my three and a half year old did great with this lesson! Some of the discussions can be adapted for older kids. The lesson is made up of two object lessons with accompanying talking points. A printer friendly copy of the outline along with the printable picture cards are free!

Enjoy!

Lesson Plan: How to Teach Children about Masks and COVID-19

Printable Lesson OutlineDownload
Printable Picture CardsDownload

Objectives:

  • Teach children the purpose of wearing masks
  • Help children feel comfortable with masks
  • Dispel any fear that may be associated with masks
  • Help children understand how masks work

What you will need:

  • One mask for each family member
  • Spray bottle filled with water (set on spray and not stream)
  • Printable Picture Cards (see printable- you can print them, or show them off of the computer screen)
  • Small prize or treat (optional)

Introduction:

Explain that you will be practicing wearing masks during the lesson and ask each family member to put their mask on.

Optional: Tell the children that whoever keeps their mask on for the entire lesson will earn a small prize or treat.

Note: If any child has fear or anxiety associated with masks, do not force it. Have them hold their mask instead.

Discussion:

  • Why do we wear masks?
    • Listen to the children’s answers and help expand on their answers.

Note: Do not just say “because of the sickness”. Teach the children that the sickness is called COVID-19. Giving the illness a name will help children understand the “unknown” and help them realize that all sickness isn’t bad.

  • Explain that there are many different kinds of sicknesses we can catch that are different from COVID-19.
    • Ask the children if they remember a time they were sick in the past. Discuss how they felt (sore throat, stuffy nose, stomach ache, throwing up, etc.)
    • Explain that getting sick is not fun, but our bodies actually can become stronger by making it easier to fight off another sickness in the future. (for older children you can talk about our immune system).
    • What makes COVID-19 different than other sicknesses?
      • COVID-19 is making some people more sick than usual.
      • For younger children, telling them that it’s making people sicker may be all they need to hear. Below discusses going into more detail if needed.

Object Lesson #1: People often wear gear to protect themselves

Show the different Printable Picture Cards (free) one at a time. With each image, ask the children what the people are wearing to protect their bodies in each particular sport.

  • Answers:
    • Soccer= Shin guards
    • Football= Helmet, shoulder pads, thigh pads, neck collar, mouth guard
    • Biking: Helmet
    • Rollerblading: Knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, helmet

Talking points:

  • Just like in these pictures of people wearing special equipment to protect their bodies, we are wearing masks when we go places to protect our bodies from COVID-19.
  • The amazing thing about wearing a mask is that it doesn’t just protect our own bodies, but we are protecting other people around us from getting COVID-19 as well. We can help stop the spread of COVID-19!
  • COVID-19 is spread when someone who has it coughs or sneezes. Tiny droplets come out of their mouths and noses. These droplets have germs that can get others sick. (Pretend to cough, as you do so, spray the bottle simultaneously by your mouth facing outward like all the droplets came out of you. Explain that when people cough the droplets and germs are even smaller so we can’t see them).
  • When the person who is sick wears a mask, those droplets get trapped inside their mask.
  • What if the sick person doesn’t wear a mask?

Answer: That’s why we all wear masks! If you are wearing a mask, then the droplets get trapped on the outside of your mask so you don’t breathe in the germs.

  • If everyone is wearing a mask then it is like double protection.
  • If you have members in your family that are at an increased risk for complications from COVID-19, add this to the discussion.

Note: Many children may express fear while discussing this. Let them talk about these fears. Reassure the children that if they wash their hands and wear their masks that they are protecting themselves and their family. Discuss how as a family you will do the best you can, but if your family ends up getting COVID-19, that you are a team and will get through it together.

You know your children and how much detail you can add to this discussion. Some children will be comfortable talking about how COVID-19 is hospitalizing some individuals and that some people have even passed away and returned to heaven because of it. For other children, that will be too much detail. Listen to your children’s concerns and let them guide the discussion.

Studies have shown that most children have mild to no symptoms; it’s okay to reassure your children with this information if needed.

Object Lesson #2: Droplets and germs, spray bottle fun!

Stand a few feet away from a child and spray their arm or any other bare spot on their body. Talk about how they got wet (and expect lots of giggles!)

Question: What If I sprayed you over your shirt, will you get wet?

  • Spray the child’s shirt (note: the shirt will get wet, but have them lift their shirt to discover that their body stayed dry). Discuss with the children that this is how masks work.
  • For children who are afraid of the mask, ask them to put it over a place on their body so you can spray it to see if it keeps them dry.
  • Have fun with this! Let each child have a turn getting sprayed.

Talking points:

  • Mask care: Now that the children have the visual of how masks work, it will make sense that there is a clean side that their face touches and a dirty side that faces outward. You can talk about folding their mask with the clean side inward when they are eating lunch at school and keeping the mask off the floor.
  • COVID-19 can also be spread by touching areas that have the germs.

Question: What if someone with COVID-19 wiped their nose with their hand and then touched the table (Kids do well with visuals so pull down your mask and pretend to do this). You can also pretend to cough and spray a piece of furniture with the spray bottle).

Explain that we touch things all day (especially at school) and we don’t need to be afraid of touching things and getting sick, we just need to remember to sanitize and/or wash our hands.

  • For older children:
    • Wearing a mask is part of being a good citizen. If you have no high-risk individuals in your family, you can explain that if your family got sick you would most likely be okay, but there is a possibility that you could spread it to someone who might get really sick from it. You can use the domino effect as an example. Explain that if they wear a mask, they are like the one domino out of the row that can stop the spread of the disease.
My kids LOVED this. They even wanted me to spray them in the face to see if the mask kept their mouth dry. Haha!

Note: Remember to let the kids ask questions and involve them in the discussion. The point of this lesson is to have fun and make COVID-19 less scary by understanding how the disease is spread and why we wear masks and keep our hands clean.

As the adult, keep your mood light hearted. If the child senses any strain or anxiety that you are having over the situation, then they are likely to feed off your stress as well.

*If you promised a small prize or treat for keeping masks on, remember to pass these out.

I hope your kids have fun with this lesson on how to teach children about masks and COVID-19! Please comment and let me know how your lesson went with your family.

Printable Lesson OutlineDownload
Printable Picture CardsDownload

Remember:

There is power in information, even for children

Need more resources to help answer children’s questions about COVID-19 and masks? Check out these websites:

The CDC has great information on how to talk to children about COVID-19: Center for Disease Control and Prevention

More information about children and masks is available from the World Health Organization: World Health Organization

Did you enjoy this post on how to teach children about masks and COVID-19? Please share it and spread the word!

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Prepare or Protect? Raising Spiritually Resilient Children

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I have no clue what to do the majority of the time as a parent. Seriously, I feel completely inadequate. My overall goal is to raise my children to faithful, happy, functioning, contributing adults. I pray every day, that they might turn out to be good people, with a testimony of our Savoir. The world, however, seems to have other plans.

When our kids are little it is pretty easy to protect them from the harsh reality of the world. As they grow older it is nearly impossible. While raising my kids, I’ve always wanted to protect my children’s innocence as long as possible. Let them be kids while they can be kids! But as my oldest entered the tween years, it became clear that this was a very gray area and not as black and white as I first had assumed. I realized the more I protected her, the less prepared she would be for reality. If I didn’t speak up and teach her, then she would hear things from other kids, that I’d rather her hear from me.

I started asking myself, is it right to continue protecting her when she is obviously ready to start growing up? I wanted her to keep her childhood innocence- which was more of a selfish act for me, and not in her best interest.

Physically and emotionally protecting our children

From the moment these precious children enter our lives, our parenting instincts take over, much like a mother bear protecting her cubs. Protecting them is ingrained in us, and yet often times our over protection can be detrimental.

“We think we need to protect our children. And the answer to that is yes, of course, from starvation and moving cars and juggling chainsaws. There are things that are legitimately dangerous. But we are not there to protect them from any discomfort or any pain or any sadness. What we need to do is not protect but prepare.”

Steve Baskin, A Manifesto to Strength: Raising Anti-Fragile Kids

Experts agree that for children to grow into resilient adults, we must allow them to experience life. Pain, sadness, and failure are all vital experiences, because they teach endurance, hard work, and self motivation. As parents, we know these things and yet we are naturally prone to feeling the need to take away our children’s suffering.

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

“One of the things I began to see early on was over-parenting, first the helicopter parenting and then the snowplow or lawnmower parenting. One is watching your child’s emotion and then trying to manage your child’s experience and prepare the road for your child, instead of your child for the road…”

Steve Baskin, A Manifesto to Strength: Raising Anti-Fragile Kids

I love this visual of a snow blower parent! Have you ever caught yourself doing it? What a sad thing to realize that by preparing the road for our child, we are actually causing more harm! If we are constantly clearing any hardship that confronts our children, they do not gain the resilient qualities needed to overcome these moments. When they leave our home and enter the word without us there, there is a good chance they could crumble.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

Ann Landers

Spiritually protecting versus preparing

Now I would like to take what we know about preparing our children for life and relate it to preparing them spiritually. The number one way to PREPARE our children spiritually is obviously to give them exposure to the gospel! Teaching them to pray, going to church, reading the scriptures, and doing “Come Follow Me” in our homes… we know these are some of the basics to building a firm foundation (see When Foundations Fail).

Now, lets look at the PROTECT side of this. What are we doing that can hinder their spiritual growth? Are there things we want to protect and shelter our children from that could actually be keeping them from spiritual preparation?

When we let our children experience sadness, pain, and make mistakes, we know they will be more resilient as adults. The amazing thing is these same experiences also give opportunities to learn about faith and grow a testimony! When they have fear and sorrow, teach them to pray. When they fail or are in pain, teach them to search the scriptures for answers. These are vital experiences that will help our children find faith in our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Some may ask, whats wrong with plowing the path to the tree of life for our children? Why can’t I mow a smooth course all the way there? In my mind this does paint a pretty picture, but in reality this is impossible. Even Lehi himself couldn’t do it! He stood at the tree of life, beckoning his children, he could not hold their hands along the way.

Are we raising our children to recognize the great and spacious building? Are they aware of the mist of darkness or strange and flattering roads that may lead them away? Sometimes we want to shield our children from seeing these things in the word, but if we don’t discuss them safely at home while they are growing up, how easy will it be for Satan to trick them when they are older?

Will our children’s testimony’s be ready when they leave our homes and experience the real world? When temptation strikes and we are no longer there to guide and direct, will our children falter and their faith plummet from the shock of what they are seeing?

“Today we are at war with Satan. We, like any army, need to know what the enemy is up to. Knowing when and where the enemy will attack, for instance, can be invaluable information. That’s why the term for acquiring such information is called “gathering intelligence.” To know our enemy is to become smarter than our enemy. The Book of Mormon can help us “gather intelligence” on Satan’s counterfeit methods.”

Dennis C. Gaunt, Recognizing Satan’s Counterfeits

How do we know what needs to be shared with our children?

As we faithfully pray and read the Book of Mormon, we will be led and guided to know how to prepare our children spiritually. I’ve experienced uncertainty multiple times, wondering how to teach my daughter about the world and Satan’s tactics. Each time I pray for help, an opportunity always arises that allows me to teach these tough subjects.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we can be referred to as a “peculiar people”. We don’t drink coffee, we stay away from harshly rated movies and other content that is deemed inappropriate. We abstain from sexual conduct until we are married. We even wear “weird underwear”. As we pray for guidance we will be able to teach our children that these things aren’t the norm world wide.

We don’t need to plop our children on Satan’s lap to give them exposure to his influences. They don’t need a first hand tour of everything worldly! They do, however, need to be aware of what is out there.

This puts us in a difficult situation over and over again while raising our children as we contemplate what information to share. Some things we choose to teach are age based, we wait until they are developmentally old enough to understand. No matter when we teach, what we decide to share is something between you and the Lord. Always seek His guidance. When we do this, we will be able to discern what actions to take, what to share, and when to share them.

Image by Jenny Friedrichs from Pixabay

Raising faithful children with a testimony in the gospel should never be confused with raising our children to be naive. President Lee, while speaking to the youth of the church, once said:

“We don’t pray that you may be withdrawn into a ‘Shangri-La’ away from the evils of the world, because you are to be a leaven wherever you are, to bring about righteousness, but we are pleading with the Lord with all our might that while you are in the world, you may be kept from evil.”

Harold B. Lee, Decisions for Successful Living [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973], p. 223

If you aren’t familiar with Shangri-La, it’s a fictional place in the 1933 novel, Lost Horizon. It is a place of paradise , isolated from the world. We can’t send our children to Shangri-La to enjoy an innocent joyous life. They are meant to be here, “to bring about righteousness” where ever they may be in this world. It is our job, to prepare them for this.

Hiding the different lifestyles and views of the world doesn’t protect our children. Talking about how other people live and what they believe can actually give opportunity to discuss the diversity of God’s children and His love for all of them!

It is possible to teach our children that “we are in the world but not of the world”, and by doing so they will become spiritually resilient.

We are blessed with a brief period in which to prepare our children for the obstacles ahead. Hold their hands while they are young. Teach them. Let them experience sorrow. Let them understand what the world is like. Give them opportunities to act in faith. Then when they are grown, there is more than a good chance they will become faithful, happy, functioning, contributing adults. Adults with an unwavering testimony, strong enough to withstand any storm.

We can’t plow the path for our children, but we can prepare them so they can have a firm grip planted on the iron rod, with clear vision of the road ahead and possible obstacles that await them.

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Celebrating Motherhood

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I had the opportunity to throw a baby shower for my sister, COVID-19 style, with a drive by baby shower the day before Mother’s Day. Until now, she has been the mother of three boys. Now she is branching out and currently pregnant with a baby girl! It was amazing to see all the people willing to make the drive out to support my sister, knowing they would only have a few minutes to talk with her as they drove by.

Having this baby shower right before Mother’s Day seemed fitting. What better way to celebrate motherhood than by recognizing where motherhood starts, bringing a perfect little baby into this world. Or perhaps I should say by welcoming a child into our hearts, because there are so many mothers out their that have rightfully earned the title without formally giving birth to a child!

Motherhood is often celebrated with baby showers. We gather together, honoring the mom with gifts and words of encouragement. Soon after the child enters our lives, however, all the glamour fades away. We are left with our precious little one and all the responsibility that comes with it.

As mother’s it is our responsibility to keep this child alive! Some of us are lucky with family and friends who offer plenty of advice and help. Others feel completely alone. Either way, in the end, motherhood is something we just have to figure out on our own.

Being a mom at times is purely a guessing game, finding out what does and doesn’t work. From the time they step into our lives, to the time they walk out the door into adulthood, we pray unceasingly on their behalf. These little beings permanently imprint on our hearts.

Womanhood is amazing and being able to experience creation in its fullest is beyond description. Nothing can compare to a mother’s love.

Photo by Pexels–2286921 from Pixabay

The imperfections of motherhood

There are many beautiful ways in which to describe motherhood. In an attempt to be real, I want to also describe it as draining! Motherhood is exhausting and purely selfless. See Parenting at Our Wits’ End, where I talk about this in more detail.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”

 Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm

How many times have we all wondered if we are doing the right thing as a mom? Are we completely messing our kids up by not doing it correctly? We are often way too hard on ourselves, and in reality there is no correct way to be a mom. Sure, there are some terrible mom’s out there, but the fact that you are reading this tells me you are trying. This puts you leaps and bounds ahead of any “bad” mom.

We can never expect to be perfect when we are participating in the biggest act of service one can experience in this life.

Motherhood is messy!

It is cleaning up barf out of hair and linens at 2am.

It is scrubbing urine and poop out of carpet.

It is scrubbing permanent markers off of walls.

It is cleaning up an entire box of crushed cheerios off the kitchen floor.

It is wiping down sticky faces and bodies after ice cream on a hot summer day.

It is cleaning up broken glass after an ill attempted “I can do it myself” moment of independence.

It is snuggling a fevering child in the middle of the night.

It is cleaning skinned knees and kissing countless owies.

It is wiping away millions of tears.

It is angry teens yelling how much they hate you.

It is sporting events, dance recitals, and endless early morning practices.

It is baring burdens of their needs and desires above your own.

It is enduring rolled eyes and smart aleck comments.

It is countless moments of second guessing your decisions and praying you are doing a good job.

It is discussion after discussion and trying to act when the perfect teaching moment arises.

It is hug after hug, story after story, and lullaby after lullaby.

And it is completely worth it!

The precious pitter patter of feet on the tile mid day as they find their way back to our arms, kiss us on the cheek with a giggle, and whisper “I love you!” somehow makes all those messy moments worthwhile. Moments like these, and many more like it, remind us we are doing something right! We are their person, whether they realize it or not.

There are days I feel like I am living the movie “Ground Hog Day”. Kids do well with routine right? So around and around we go. It is easy to lose track of our long term perspective when we are circling about in these routines. Remember that this time with our children is indeed, temporary. It may be a bit cliche to say that they grow up too fast… but unfortunately, it is true. There is a reason people say this!

Enjoy this time. Soak up those sticky fingers and laughing teenagers.

Thank you to all mothers

David O. McKay, The Noble Calling of Parents

I just want to say thank you for the endless hours you put in for your family. There is no time clock in which mothers check in and out for their daily duties. You are making a difference in the lives of your children. Never forget that you are needed, that you are loved. Your work is noble!

You may not hear it enough from your children, so thank you. Thank you for imprinting on their hearts with the love and devotion only a mother figure can bestow.

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Parenting at Our Wits’ End

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Do I like my kids? Now, please don’t judge me too harshly on the days I answer with an emphatic “no” to this question! I wish I could remember who posed this question to me years ago so I could give them credit, but it is a great question to ask yourself to see where you currently stand in your parenting.

For me this is situational, there are times the answer is, YES! Other times I’m ashamed to say the answer is no. Parenthood is a selfless act that leaves us feeling drained and defeated. My kids know all too well how to push just the right buttons to get my blood boiling. Many times the afternoon hours drag on way too long and we count down the minutes until we can put our kids to bed and get that much needed “me time” in.

Right now we have no escape from our home bound children. Because of the Covid-19 pandemic we can’t get away from them! Social media is flooded with mom’s venting over their frustrations of being confined to their homes with no other outlets and their children driving them bonkers.

The challenges of quarantine heighten our emotions and makes parenting so much more difficult. Because obviously, parenting wasn’t even easy before the pandemic! Right now I’m surviving on a day by day basis. Some days I’m a stellar mom, I’m engaged all day long and we do fun activities. Other days we are in our pj’s the whole day and the TV is turned on the entire time. My temper flares more often than I would care to admit, and there are days where multiple kids are having melt downs- ALL. DAY. LONG! At the end of the really bad days it is easy to fall into guilt trip mode and feel like I have failed.

Years ago in an act of desperation I started researching out self help parenting books and different discipline methods. I wanted to enjoy my kids and not feel defeated every day. Have you ever looked into parenting advice? The internet and book stores are flooded with parenting tricks that promise miracles. Everyone has an opinion on this topic. Even random strangers, at the grocery store, have been known to offer unsolicited advice to frantic, disheveled moms, with misbehaving children in tow. The list of must do’s and never do’s as a parent are never ending:

  • Be consistent, follow through with the rules!
  • Let your child fail!
  • Model the behavior you want them to have, lead by example!
  • Keep your own emotions in check!
  • Be actively engaged!
  • Spend quality time with each child!
  • Keep a strict bedtime!
  • No more than two hours of screen time a day!
  • Practice positive reinforcement!

… You get the idea. The list goes on and on and much of the advice can actually conflict with each another: don’t spank, do spank! Don’t co-sleep, do co-sleep! To make things more difficult, every child is different! What works with my oldest definitely doesn’t work with my middle child. I can read parenting books and feel so inspired. Then a situation arises and I am deflated. “This wasn’t talked about in the book! What should I do now?” The hardest part, however, is when I fail to do many of the things that really do make a good parent. This inevitably leads to more guilt. No matter how many times I promise myself I will be a better parent, I end up letting myself down. The guilt of another bad day weighs on my shoulders.

We feel this way because we love our children beyond description and feel like they deserve so much more than what we have to offer. We feel like we are bled dry and have no more to give, and yet we still tell ourselves that we are coming up short in the parent department. How is it that we give so much and yet still feel that it isn’t enough?

Go easy on yourself. It’s okay if you aren’t a perfect parent. Tomorrow is always a new day. When we find ourselves in challenging circumstances, the best we can do is take it one day at a time. We must forgive ourselves for the bad days and try again the next day. Parenthood is a job we always show up for. There are times when we just want to hide under our covers, but we still show up. Because we have to. Because we love our children. It’s okay if we can’t muster the energy to put together great activities and experiences for our children every single day. It’s okay that some days we are in survival mode, as long as we recognize our limits.

What can we do when our emotions threaten to take over?

Simply surviving can be scary. While in survival mode we are stressed, and our emotions are on the verge of complete takeover. As a parent, this is not always a good thing. We can lose control and become the type of parent we never wanted to be.

I’d like to share a little story about a time in my life where I became all too familiar with survival mode as a parent.

I became a divorced single mom at the age of twenty-five. I rented a quaint little town home perched on the side of a mountain, a place I felt safe to raise my two-year old daughter. We were blessed at this time. I had just finished nursing school, passed the nursing boards, and had finished my training at the children’s hospital, where I still work to this day. In order to be with my daughter more, I worked night shifts. The shifts were twelve hours long, but as any nurse will tell you, that number is deceiving. At the twelve hour mark is when I would start giving report to the oncoming nurse. If I had a good day, I would be able to leave after about twelve and a half hours of working. On a busier shift I would have to catch up on charting and finish tying up loose ends, making my shift much longer.

This time of my life is a blur. Sure, I got to see my sweet little girl more than most single moms, but I was desperately sleep deprived. I would wake up with my little early riser at seven each morning, be with her all day, and go to work that night to start my shift at 7:00pm. When I got home from work the next morning my wonderful mom, who spent the night babysitting, would have to leave for work, so I still wouldn’t sleep. Three times a week I would be up for about thirty-two hours. I’d get naps in here in there, but it was rough. My daughter went with her dad every other weekend, so I was able to sleep a bit more between shifts at those times, but it was never enough.

Before my daughters third birthday she went through a phase of waking at about 2am every single night. Just so you understand, this wasn’t an “ignore her and she’ll fall back asleep” awakening. This was an “up for hours trying to get this wide awake tantrum throwing child back to bed”.

The problem was I needed this time. The few nights a week I actually got a full nights sleep, I needed a full nights sleep! I’d wake delirious and what I like to refer to as “Monster Mom” would emerge. I am not proud of Monster Mom, but she tends to come out when I am exhausted and need sleep. I tried so hard to bury Monster Mom deep within (knowing if she emerged getting my daughter to sleep would be ten times harder). But in those dark hours of the night I wasn’t always successful. After over a month of this I was brought to tears. On one specific night after her usual awakening, I was able to get her back to sleep and successfully sneak out of her room and crawl back into my bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow my daughter started crying out again. The tears welled and poured down my cheeks as I waited to see if she would go back to sleep. She didn’t. I dragged my exhausted body from the bed, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I sank to my knees on the floor outside of my daughters bedroom and sobbed to my Heavenly Father pleading for help. “What should I do?” I prayed.

Peace flooded over me as the tears abruptly came to a stop.

“Just love her.”

The words were spoken clearly in my mind. It was not my voice but that of the Holy Ghost. The words were clear, loving, and strong.

I was able to stand and have the strength needed to go comfort my little girl for that night, and many nights more, until she started sleeping through the night again.

“Just love her,” are words I have turned to in my parenting many times since. There are always unpleasant childhood phases I don’t have control over. Just like when she wasn’t sleeping through the night. This same daughter will be thirteen this year and these unpleasant phases come and go all the time! I’ve learned I can’t “fix” my child. Especially as she has grown older and exercises her own agency, I can’t make her do what I want. I can guide, direct, and lead by example. Obviously, discipline is often in the equation too. What it mostly comes down to however, is this simple phrase, “just love her.”

“To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon our Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day and as you deal with the challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them.”

President Thomas S. Monson

As parents we all have desperate moments where we feel helpless. We can feel at our whits end and have no idea what to do. Our patience is gone and we are fed up. Monster Mom, or Dad, has emerged. At these desperate times who better to turn to than our Heavenly Father for parenting advice?

There are times we have to stop trying to parent, stop trying to fix things and just love. We have to learn to let go of perfection and the ideal picture of what a parent should be. That person doesn’t exist. You are what your child needs and you have what it takes! Every day doesn’t have to be perfect- instead strive for perfect moments. Moments of quality interaction, moments of tenderness, moments of love. Show love to your children! If you build these moments into your day, then when the bad moments strike- your children will never doubt your love for them. They will be so much more resilient if Monster Mom does end up making an appearance, because a couple of negative outbursts can never outweigh all the love you have shown them.

“Just love them,” is a phrase that has kept coming to my mind during the past several weeks of social distancing. My patience as a mom has been tested at a whole new level! On the bad days I have to remind myself what is most important, and that is love. Jesus taught us how to teach with love and guide by love. As an imperfect human, following His example takes practice on a daily basis.

When we feel the emotions starting to bubble up, we need to recognize our limits, turn to the Lord, and adjust our plans accordingly:

What if Covid-19 induced home school has to be put on hold for a day? –Oh well!

What if you were dealing with a tantruming toddler all evening only to find out that he just needed to be held and you can’t get dinner started? –Who cares, getting take out is an option!

What if you have to wait to discipline your disrespectful teenager until after you calm down? -Walking away shows more love than screaming at them when we have completely lost control and say things in anger we never should say.

What if Monster Mom emerged and you know it’s a good possibility it may happen again before the day is through? –Turn on the TV and just cuddle your little ones. Sometimes the TV is better when we know we aren’t in control.

These are just some silly examples, but adjusting our original plan to what will help us succeed when we are hanging on by a thread makes us good parents.

Learning to respond to our children with love, when they have pushed our buttons, can be hard! I am going to tell you the honest truth, none of us are perfect at it! We must love ourselves, forgive ourselves, wipe the slate clean after each bad moment or day and try again. Turn to the Lord. Look into your child’s eyes and feel the love they have for you! Despite every miss step and bad parenting moment your child still loves you!

“Parenting has nothing to do with perfection. Perfection isn’t even the goal, not for us, not for our children. Learning together to live well in an imperfect world, loving each other despite or even because of our imperfections, and growing as humans while we grow our little humans, those are the goals of gentle parenting. So don’t ask yourself at the end of the day if you did everything right. Ask yourself what you learned and how well you loved, then grow from your answer. That is perfect parenting.”

 L.R. Knost
Photo by Elly Fairytale

I believe the first step to enjoying parenthood, not just surviving it, starts with love.

Now I’d like to ask you a question:

Do YOU like your kids?

Of course you love them, that is not in question. But are you excited to come home from a long day of work or other activity and spend time with your kids? Do you look forward on a regular basis to being able to interact with your kids? Do you wake up each morning and jump into action the moment your kids beckon, or do you groan and want to curl into the fetal position and hide?

Don’t feel guilty if you are realizing you aren’t really liking your kids right now. I am no expert on parenting, I am in the midst of it just like you. But I have come to realize, when I have felt this way about my kids, these negative feelings directly impact the way I show love to my children. I don’t show as much tenderness, I am quick to anger, and frankly- I just don’t show as much love. The interesting thing is I don’t believe these feelings come from our children or their actions. We feel this way because we are too busy juggling everything else in our life and are overwhelmed with life itself. I talk about this more and the importance of caring for ourselves in depth in my posts, Aware in All Things and Never Inadequate.

Perhaps you are thinking, I love hanging out with my kids! I don’t know what she is talking about! Or maybe you are thinking, “I despise my kids, she is being way too nice on the description of these little monsters!” We all have our own unique circumstances and it doesn’t matter where we are in our own personal journey through parenthood. What we all can agree on is that it is hard! Parenthood is one of the most difficult tasks we have taken on in this life and has the biggest consequences if we fail. The stakes are high!

I know that if we turn to our Heavenly Father, He will guide us in knowing how to raise these precious little spirits we are blessed with (Prepare or Protect? Raising Spiritually Resilient Children). He will help us know how to show love, when we feel like we have nothing else to give. During those desperate moments when we feel like we have lost control and our emotions are rampaging, turn to our Heavenly Father. Seek his guidance. He knows we have the strength and the ability to meet the needs of our children. He knows we have the capacity to provide the love needed to sustain them. When we are unsure of how we can accomplish this, He will show the way.

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Teacher Shout Out

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My kindergartner misses school so much! This is a shout out to all the incredible teachers out there working hard to bring school into our homes. We are grateful for all you do! Our kids miss you desperately 💕 In my home we have had tears multiple times from both of my school aged kids because they want to see you! It is hard knowing we won’t be able to go back to school for the rest of the school year. My little five-year-old’s day was made when her teacher asked for a virtual high five. Thanks for still bringing joy, even if it is from a distance! We miss you!

What amazing things have your children’s teachers done?